Love Is
by The Clayr Imortae
Summary: A story made up entirly of drabbles. COMPLETE YAOI(shounen-ai) KOHAKUSOUTA Souta is kidnapped by Naraku... things develop from there.
1. The Starter

"I love you,' he breathes and I don't know how this happened. I know that he's soft and warm beneath my hands and somehow I know that I'd do anything to protect him from the terrors he rescued me from. I kiss him and pull him tight against me…I can remember my sister's name…He mewls as I press him further into the bed.

This boy saved me from the hell I'd been trapped in and was the only light to reach me in the darkness and I think I love him too.

"I love you too, Souta," Kohaku replies.


	2. Meeting and Escape

**Hello and welcome to the author's note! This is our my sister's and mine drabble series. The first chapter is what started all this, which is why we posted it as the first chapter. We were very meticulous in our word counts… but, alas, we are all human. The word count before this AN was exactly 32,203 the three being the 'ende' etc but we're sure that we probably made a mistake somewhere. Because this is so long I'll post it in three installments. by the way this author's not is exactly one hundred words as well. No… I am not joking**

Darkness, death, it's all I know now. I can't control my own actions. All I can do is follow His orders. Everyday I'm missing more, more of my past, my present. Naraku barely lets me remember my own name.

"Guard him. Do not let him escape."

"Yes Naraku-sama," I answer, helplessly obedient.

I look to my charge. He's bound. He must've fought. I think he's my age…no, younger. If only I remembered my age. I sit down near him. His eyes follow me.

"What's your name?" I can't help asking.

"…Souta," He hesitates, scared. "What's yours?" He's so quiet.

"Kohaku."

He's talking to me. It's not like Rin. He's quiet… shy. He knows the danger he's in. I look over at him; he's closer than I remember.

"Are you cold?" I ask…I can't remember cold.

"Huh?" He blinks at the interruption.

"You keep coming closer to me."

"I'm sorry," he looks away, shivering slightly.

I start a fire. He looks confused but scoots closer to the warmth, thanking me softly. I sit next to him again, my shoulder barely brushing against his. He looks up at me.

I feel sharp pain and hear Naraku's voice. I shouldn't have touched him.

_He winced when he touched me, and I bite my lip uncertain of what it might mean. Did I do something wrong? Is he hurt? I can't tell and I'm afraid to ask._

_I look away then back again. Gathering my courage I open my mouth and ask, "Are you all right?" My own voice shocks me it's so soft, so quiet. When did I become so timid? But it's so cold here and I'm alone with no idea of what is going to happen to me. I have to give Sis credit; I've no idea how she does this._

I take a deep breath and don't move away. This is my act of defiance. I can handle the pain. I open my eyes, nodding at him.

"I'm fine," I assure him. He seems relieved. I'm not used to the human contact. I think I'm enjoying this. Yes, I can definitely stand pain for this.

"Are you still cold?" I ask, I'm curious. I thought I couldn't remember cold, but perhaps it's warmth that I don't know. I can't tell if the flames are warming my legs. I'd like to know if he's getting warmer. I wonder if he'll answer.

_I can tell that he's lying, but it's only a little white one, to make me feel better. So I relax and give him a shy hesitant smile. I can't help wondering if he's only being nice to me because he's trying to keep me off balance… but I don't think that I care if he is. He's been the only one to show me kindness since I was dragged here._

_He asks me if I'm still cold, and I shrug, "Only a little, the fire is helping," and so are you, I think it but I don't speak it._

"I'm glad," I tell him, looking into the flames. I think I tried to smile, but I can't remember how. I don't understand. Why do I seem to notice the holes in my memory around him? It makes me want to get away, to find the girl whose face I can almost remember. It makes me want to lean on his shoulder. Another pain…Naraku is monitoring my thoughts. I keep myself from wincing this time, not wanting to worry him for some reason. I do what I usually do and blank my thoughts, but it's harder with this Souta here.

_I can feel him tense slightly again. I look over at him and his eyes are horribly blank. I reach out to touch him and barely keep myself from doing so as I realize what that look might mean. That's what he looked like before. With Him. I bite my lip and let my hand drop still looking at him. He didn't want me to notice but I did and now I feel bad… I want to reach out to him but I don't know if I should… does he want to be reached, or should I keep my distance?_

I try not to look at him, but he seems so concerned. I must look odd, the light dead in my eyes. He breaks my concentration. I can't blame him. He must be scared. I blink my eyes, looking at him.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, "I didn't mean to scare you. My master is listening." I look to one side, lifting one knee to my chest and resting my arm on it. I wonder if he wanted to touch me. I scoot closer to him, reveling in the human contact. I'm careful to keep the movement from my thoughts.

_"Oh," is all that I can manage. His master he says, and I know that he doesn't mean his employer. He means something older and much less pleasant. He moves closer to me and I unthinkingly shift toward him. I'm not sure if he's actually radiating warmth or if there's just something about his presence that makes it seem as if he is._

_The nights are so cold here and I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning, and that was three fights, two days and a kidnapping ago. I wonder if Sis and Inuyasha are looking for me._

Naraku orders me to eat silently and I feel his presence leave my mind. He must have better things to attend to. I let myself relax slightly and lean further against him.

"Are you hungry?" I ask him, feeling so much more at ease without the plague of Naraku in my mind. My eyes wander back to him of their own accord. His eyes are blue and I don't know why I notice, but they are. They are such a soft blue and they remind me of the girl's, a different color, but the same softness. I like watching him…

_Peering at him through my lashes I nod, "Yeah," I say and my voice is still so soft, so quiet._

_This was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to just be a nice picnic and then maybe (if nothing untoward happened) I could stay the night and hang out with everyone. I had to beg Mom for months before she agreed, and convincing Sis was almost as difficult. But it was worth it. I had so much fun and then we were heading back to the well… I just wanted to pick some flowers to bring back to Mom…_

"They're bland but they'll fill your stomach." I pull the onigiri from my pocket and hand him two of them. I'm curious why he doesn't mind me leaning on him and I realize that he's leaning against me as well. I take a bite from the rice ball…it's still fresh. Did I replace them or did someone else? When was the last time I ate? Why do I bother trying to remember? It doesn't matter…He will wipe my mind again at some point…Will I forget Souta? Does that thought make me sad? I can't tell, I don't remember sadness either.

_"Thank you," I say quietly and accept them. Curling further in on myself, I nibble on one of them, a little worried about how bad they might taste. Silly when it's the only food being offered, I know, but it's the habit of a lifetime and those are hard to break._

_The sun is completely gone now and the wind has picked up. It's getting cold again. I wonder if there are any blankets… even just a jacket would help… mine got lost somewhere along the way… I can't quite remember when… I shiver thinking sadly, Happy Birthday to me…_

I see him shiver as I finish my onigiri. I have been told many times to eat quickly or be hungry. I'm glad Naraku and Kagura don't know I no longer feel hunger. I don't want him to be cold. I stand up, going to retrieve the blanket in the corner. Moving away from him I suddenly remember cold. I shiver slightly, uncontrollably. I take the blanket and wrap it around his shoulders from behind. I sit next to him again, leaning slightly against him, though not as much as I was earlier. I'm cold. I try not to shiver.

_When he gets up and leaves I feel a cold thread of fear shiver down my spine. Feeling a blanket wrapped around me I look up at him in surprise. My eyes follow him as he sits next to me. I feel him shiver and I speak, "We can share," I offer, voice still so soft and unlike it's normal self. I can't help wondering if it will ever reach it's normal levels again._

_I wait patiently for an answer. I've noticed that sometimes he needs time to process… as if he is translating my words from a foreign language._

I look at him, confused. Share? I wonder then turn slightly. The blanket? I see. I must have shivered. I quickly check for Naraku's presence and find his attention elsewhere.

"Okay," I say wondering why I sound so hesitant…wait I know why…I don't want Souta punished because of me. I want…I want to protect him. Why's that? I don't know him and I don't know why he's here…but I do. He's nice, it's been so very long since anyone cared to be nice to me.

I wait for him to offer the blanket, not wanting to move and frighten him.

_I smile shyly at him and offer half the blanket. Shyly? Why do I feel shy? This is so strange and confusing. You're not supposed to like your jailor… but he's so… I stomp that thought before it can fully form, not wanting to face it, not right now. He takes the blanket from me and I scoot closer to him, to share what little warmth I have. I feel my face flush slightly and I turn it away, hoping that he won't notice. I know that I have a tendency for bad timing, but really this is just ridiculous…_

I wrap the blanket around myself, needing to press my leg and shoulder closer to keep the cold out. He's shy…at least I think that he is. I don't think he's afraid of me. I know he's afraid, but of me? I don't want him to be afraid of me. I notice him moving his wrists in his restraints.

"I'll take off the rope if you don't hit me. That would draw his attention." I offer quietly, making sure to give the warning, knowing he wanted to get away. I hope he doesn't struggle. I don't want to hurt him.

_Hit him? What a laughable thought. Before this I thought I was reasonably fit. I play soccer, run, hell I even work out… but compared to him I feel a bit like a rag doll… he lifted me and then ran while carrying me, I know that I couldn't do that, not for the distance that he did. It's a bit of a blow to my pride I admit, but I can't help being honest with myself._

_"Thank you," I whisper, holding my bound hands up to him. I bite my lip, feeling the ropes rub unpleasantly against tender skin._

I undo the knot with ease. Kagura was the one that tied him up. I can't help wondering if he landed a hit after I left. I let him rub his wrists leaning against him once again. I still hope he doesn't decide to struggle.

"Is that better?" I can't help my curiosity. Perhaps I want him to talk to me more. Knowing he's actually talking to me pleases me I think. Kagura and Kanna do not speak to me. Only Naraku speaks to me directly. It's…pleasant to listen to something other than an order. I hope he speaks more.

_"Yes, thank you," I know that I am repeating myself but I can't help it. Politeness has been instilled in me from birth and it's a defense in times of stress and uncertainty. "I'm grateful for your kindness," I add quietly and immediately wish I hadn't. I let my head fall against his shoulder sighing almost silently in chagrin. I hope that didn't upset him. He's so quiet and still, maybe that's what he prefers. "My apologies, I'll be quiet now," I say softly, without thinking, then silently cursing my big mouth. Why can't I ever just keep it shut?_

"No…I'm not used to being spoken to…it's nice, though I don't have much to say in return," why am I telling him this. I'm going to get us both in trouble…but it's too late, I've already said it. Naraku is occupied with something. We're safe for now. Perhaps I'm trying to enjoy this while it lasts. I wonder if I'm blushing after that last comment, can I even remember how to blush. I find I'm staring again, why do I keep looking at him? His bangs fall into his face and I brush them back, fingertips barely touching his forehead.

_I look up, startled by the touch, and I know that a blush is staining my cheeks. He's staring back at me and I wonder if he's blushing or if it's just the reflection from the firelight… I can't tell and I'm not sure I want to. What would it mean if he were? He's so close and warm and he's been so nice… I feel my blush darken and I have to look away from the intensity in his eyes._

_Sis always tells me not to give anything away to the enemy but… "It's my birthday," I whisper softly._

I blink in surprise. His birthday? He sounds so sad and I feel somehow responsible.

"I'm sorry," is all I can think to say. It does not seem like enough. "This is a terrible place to be on your birthday." I add quietly. He looks…pretty like this. Blushing in the firelight. I want to touch him but I don't want to scare him. My hand reaches out of its own accord and I divert it to rest on his shoulder instead of touching his face. I'm still staring. I hope I'm not making him uncomfortable. I just can't look away.

_"At least I'm warm," I reply, looking up at him through my lashes. I can feel my lips curve into a small smile when he touches my shoulder. I shrug slightly and I feel his hand move with my shoulder._

_He's still staring and it's doing strange things to me… my heart is racing and I swear my stomach is full of butterflies… it's exhilarating… and so not supposed to be happening…_

_I feel myself blushing again and I lower my head back onto his shoulder. Closing my eyes, I lean into his warmth and let myself relax against him._

I feel him lean against me and I move my hand to his other shoulder, trying to make it more comfortable for both of us. He's warm…that's good. I think I'm warm too. I resist the urge to touch his hair, not wanting to push limits. I'm not sure if they're his limits or mine or even Naraku's, but I fear the consequences of my actions…for both of us. Fear is something I remember. I live with it everyday. I can't forget fear.

"I'm glad for that." I tell him softly. I hesitate then rest my head slightly on his.

_He leans his head against mine and I shiver slightly, though I'm not completely sure why… maybe because the small movement causes me to notice his scent… He smells like wood-smoke, the forest that surrounds us and something else… some subtle smell that's maybe just him._

_I sigh softly at my wandering mind, how the hell can I be thinking about things like that when I have no idea what is going to happen to me? I can't even be sure that I'll ever make it back home again and yet I'm feeling all fluttery about him, my jailor… Kohaku…_

I see him shiver but I don't think it's a bad thing. I feel like shivering too even though I can't remember ever being this warm. He smells like grass and something else, something foreign that I can't distinguish. It makes me comfortable and yet shivery at the same time. I don't understand and I am sure that this won't be allowed. I find myself paranoid of every sound, fearing that it will be Naraku-sama. I should be able to sense him coming. This fear is irrational. Nonetheless, I tighten my grip on Souta's shoulder slightly, careful not to hurt.

_His grip tightens on my shoulder and I press closer without thinking. I have so many questions running through my brain I wonder if he'll answer me if I voice them… Well only one way to find out…_

_"What's going to happen to me?" I ask him and my voice is so soft and hesitant that I almost don't hear myself over the pounding of my heart... did he even hear me?_

_I wonder if it's fear of the answer and the situation or the exhilaration of having him near me that's causing it to beat so fast and loud…_

"Inuyasha will come for you. That is my lord's goal…If Naraku-sama defeats Inuyasha I do not know what will happen to you." I say feeling sad at that prospect. My programming will not allow me to mention the possibility that Naraku will lose the battle, though that seems the more likely out come. I can feel his heart pounding through a vein in his shoulder more than that I can actually hear it. I didn't realize I was listening that closely. Was he frightened to hear my answer or was it something else? I want to ask but I shouldn't.

_"So I'm just bait, then," I reply and somehow my voice is calm, accepting. I'm not sure if I feel bitter or relieved about that fact. I suppose it doesn't really matter how I feel, it's just the way that it is…_

_I want to press closer but I don't think that I should… though I am tired and it would be so easy to just wrap myself around him and fall asleep… I know that I won't but I can't help wondering how it would feel, and if he would hold me or if he would push me away…_

"Are you tired?" I ask, Naraku has ordered me to sleep and I can't help wondering if he's tired too. I look to one side. "You can sleep on me if you'd like." I offer quietly, "I wouldn't want you to get cold." I don't know if he'll accept but somehow I feel better for offering. I'm not even sure how we'd arrange ourselves. I think…that I want him to accept…I like having his weight against my side. I like feeling warmth again. Souta isn't likely to escape anyway. I'm guarding merely for the possibility that Inuyasha tachi will arrive.

_"Um, yeah… ok, sure that sounds, uh, good," I reply feeling myself blush, "I don't want me to be cold either," I say offering him a shy smile. I'm looking at him through my lashes and I wonder suddenly what I must look like to him… blushing, shy and closer to pretty than handsome… I must look and seem like such a girl… With a faint sigh I look down and away, someone like him wouldn't be interested in someone that has acted as much like a wuss as I have. I swear I must have the worst luck ever._

I nod and wrap my arm a bit closer around him and lay back with him. I move very carefully, so not to upset him, and I pull the blanket over us.

"You're very brave Souta…" I inform him. I worry that he didn't know that. He has been very calm…all things considered. I can't remember if I was that brave. I rub his shoulder slightly and then stop. When was the last time I truly slept? I don't think I ever have…but how long is 'ever'? Did I used to sleep before the last time Naraku buried my memories?

_I snort softly at the obvious lie and don't bother trying to reply. Great, I've acted so pathetic that he thinks I need a pep talk. That's just bloody wonderful. Feeling tears of shame sting my eyes I close them, and rest my head on his shoulder; I don't want him to see, he'll just think even less of me… though I'm not entirely sure that's possible when he obviously doesn't think much of me to begin with. Swallowing the urge to cry, I huddle against him, trying to find the warmth that seems to have disappeared with his words._

"You must've tried to fight Kagura…I recognized the knot on your restraints. I can't remember if I tried to do something like that." I'm curious about his snort, but there's more I need him to know, "It's nice…having someone to talk to… I'm sorry. I must seem ridiculous." I stop myself from saying anymore and rub his shoulder again. "I can't remember the last time I had a conversation…I don't remember much of anything…thank you." I add quietly…sincerely. I suddenly wonder what he thinks of me and I'm not even sure why. Do I enjoy the sound of his voice?

_"At least I'm good for something," I say and laugh softly. I wonder if he hears the bitter undertone that I taste as it leaves my lips. I don't mean for it to be there but I can't help feeling it. I've been kidnapped, taken from everything that I know and love, and now here I am with a gorgeous (and apparently damaged) guy who thinks that I'm so weak I need him to tell me how brave and useful I am being. Though my usefulness only extends to being someone to talk to. God, can life get any worse?_

I hear the bitterness in his tone and I feel a pang in my chest. "I'm sorry…I will stop." I feel like I'm petting his shoulder. I wonder if he minds…I do something strange. I bite my lip. I find the habit odd but strangely comforting. "I'm just not used to being treated…like…a human…" I whisper softly and I do not know if he can even hear me. I've been instructed to speak softly but clearly…I can't get my voice to work and all I know is I wish that bitter tone were gone. I don't understand…am I supposed to?

_I wince internally at his tone and it's only then that I realize that he has been practically petting my shoulder this entire time. I lift my head to look at him feeling confused, "I don't understand," I tell him but there are so many things that I don't understand that all I can do is stare at him helplessly, unsure of what else I want to say. I lick my lips and try again, "What are you going to stop?" I ask finally, feeling like an idiot for picking that but it was the first that came to mind._

"I," I fumble swallowing, "I'll stop talking…I suppose. I don't know what I'll stop…whatever you want me to as long as I don't disobey my master." I can't help adding the last…It upsets me somehow. I don't like being a puppet, but that's all I am. "I just…" I stop. Closing my mouth and just watching him. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I don't understand…it takes me a moment to realize that I had said that aloud. "I don't know what to say. You make me think strange things. About things…I can't remember." I try to clarify.

_"Strange things?" I can't help asking as curiosity gets the better of me, "What kind of strange things?" I know that it's not going to be anything like what I want it to be, but maybe it'll at least be something nice. Please don't stop talking, I think at him, I want to hear your voice… as long as you're talking to me things don't seem as bad as I know they are. I reposition my arm so that I can lean my head on my hand, looking at him while I wait for him to think of an answer._

"Things I can't remember…make me want to remember. I can only remember serving my master. You make me want more than that." I offer, voice soft, hoping my explanation makes sense. I feel awkward. I'm almost sure that my face is flushed. My worry is settling in again and I'm alert for Naraku's presence. These 'strange things' could get Souta killed…I don't want that, but it seems he wants me to keep talking. I can't bring myself to refuse. Not when he looks at me like that. My stomach feels strange…fluttery. I've never felt this before. I like this feeling.

_I frown faintly and scoot a little closer trying to get a better look at his expressions. Leaning over, I peer down at him, "You say that as if it's a bad thing. Should I apologize?" I ask feeling a bit worried that I had done something wrong._

_Licking my lips, I notice that he's a bit pink in the cheeks. My stomach does a flip-flop when I see this. Could he possibly… No, I tell myself sternly, don't even think it he's too strong to be interested in a weakling like you. He's probably just uncomfortable being so close._

As he scoots closer my hand slides down his arm until my arm is across his back. I unconsciously pull him closer still. "You've no need to apologize. It's not a bad thing. It just worries me…and confuses me." I…like this. Yes 'like'. That was the word I wanted. I like being treated as a person…a human. I like talking…I like Souta. My enjoyment of his company grows with each new question he asks. I hope my speaking is putting him at ease. I seem as a welcome distraction from his imprisonment. I find I'm more than willing to distract.

_I can feel myself trying to blush again as I feel him pull me close with the arm that is now across my lower back. When did it get there? God, what was he saying? There was something important I wanted to ask… oh, right, "Worries you? What are you worried about?" I need to know because if something has him worried it's probably something bad. So warm and so close… dammit Souta, stay focused. Just because he's gorgeous, doesn't mean that you can so completely let your guard down. What would Sis think if she saw me like this?_

"Naraku-sama doesn't want me to remember things." Again my hand reaches out on it's own to brush hair from his face. I like being able to see his eyes. I'm paying more attention so I can tell just how soft his hair is. I want to touch it more. I can't do that.

"I hope that I don't forget you." I can't look away from his eyes. My hand is still near his face. I feel his hair tickle the back of my fingers. I think I might be smiling. I get the feeling that smiling makes people feel better.

_He's smiling and I have to resist the urge to press my hand to my chest to see if my heart is still beating because I swear it just stopped… Yes, I know how corny that sounds even to myself, but… he looks so different when he smiles… Right he's talking, I should reply… god, what did he say? …Um, "I hope that you don't either," I say softly and my head is resting against his hand before I even notice that I'm moving, "but even if you're made to forget about me, I know that I'll never forget you."_

My face is hot; this must be blushing. "Thank you…" I'm still smiling. I didn't think I could, but this is real. The thought of Naraku getting a hold over Souta is becoming more and more terrifying and I want to protect him… even from myself if I have to. I swallow hard, considering the impact of my next words. "If my eyes go blank and I make any hostile action toward you, I want you to try fighting me. Try and get away. When I'm like that I often can't control my actions. I don't want to hurt you."

_I close my eyes, I don't want to hear things like this… but… it's obviously important to him, so… "Alright," I whisper, acceding to his request reluctantly. I don't want to fight him, but it's not really him if he's not in control of himself, is it? And could I live with myself if I just let someone hurt me without trying to fight back? Not a chance. I give him another small smile and open my eyes enough to be able to see him through my lashes, "Thank you, for warning me and telling me what to watch for."_

"You're welcome." I can almost see his eyes. I wonder if he notices my blush. "I'm sorry if I frightened you. I know you were enjoying the distraction from your situation. I was as well. Perhaps we could go back to talking." My hand is still against his cheek and I have no urge to move it. His skin is soft and warm. I glad to feel how warm his face is. It's good to know that he wasn't lying when he said he was warmer. I can't resist rubbing my thumb slightly over his cheek. What's gotten into me?

_I can feel my eyelids flutter as he strokes my cheek, and I wish that I could stop them, it's embarrassing… such a girly reaction… but… his touch is so gentle… I close my eyes to still them and rest against his hand more fully._

_"Any idea what you want to talk about?" I ask him, opening my eyes to look at him, still smiling. "Or do you just want to talk about whatever comes to mind?" I want to reach out and touch him but I'm not sure if that's allowed and I don't want to ruin this moment._

"Whatever you wish to talk about is fine." I nod slightly, never taking my eyes from his. My smile comes to stay at being able to see his eyes and I continue stroking his cheek gently. I love the texture of his skin. My stomach flutters. I shouldn't be touching him like this but I can't stop myself…and he's not complaining. Does he mind that I'm doing this? Does he want to touch me? I want to ask but I really shouldn't. I hope Naraku only punishes me. Again the fear that Naraku will harm him grips at my heart.

_I lick my lips nervously and I lift my hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes. He doesn't look away from my eyes the entire time and I swear that my heart is going to burst it's beating so fast. I let my fingers ghost over the curve of his cheek before bringing my hand back to my side, and I just know that I am blushing again. Desperately I wish that I could look away from his dark eyes and yet… I've no desire to do any such thing… this is so confusing. "Are you ever lonely?"_

My heart skipped a beat when he touched me. "Lonely? I suppose I must be, but I've been alone for so long that I don't really think about it anymore…I am enjoying your company. Even though I shouldn't be." I don't know why I feel this way. But my heart keeps pounding. My fingers gently trail over his blush.

I can sense Naraku's attention focus on something coming toward us and my eyes leave Souta's, focusing on the door. Is it them? Have they come to rescue Souta? How can that make me sad and happy at the same time?

_His eyes shift and I know that he's looking at the door. "Is someone coming?" I ask, keeping my tone neutral. I'm not sure if I am ready for someone to be coming. There's something that could be precious trying to grow between us but right now it's so very fragile and I don't want it to die… I don't want to leave him… This is so unfair… They'll rescue me and make me go home, I'll never get the chance to see him again. Reaching over again I rest my hand on his cheek. I'm not ready to go…_

Naraku's voice tells me to keep Souta where he is. It's so loud…angry. I know that it must be the Inuyasha Tachi. "They've come for you." I inform softly. I'm forced to pull my weapon to me from across the room. "I've been ordered to keep you here. I'm sorry, but I will have to fight them." I don't remove my hand and I move my eyes back to his. My kusari-gama is in my other hand. I hold it far away from him. I don't want to touch him with it. It's too stained. Are my hands stained too?

_"I know," I whisper, eyes flicking to his weapon then back to his face. "I wish that you didn't," I whisper in a breathless rush, and I close my eyes, embarrassed by my own naivety._

_"What should I do?" I ask feeling my cheeks heat with a blush. I don't want to ask that, it makes me feel stupid… but I had to do something, had to change the subject… god that's such a stupid thing to say to him. I'm sure that he doesn't want to fight them either, but what choice does he have with Naraku controlling him?_

"Stay close," it comes out sounding more like a request than an instruction. I shift, sitting up and wrapping my arm around his back again. The chain on my weapon jingles as I move. I don't understand. Why hasn't Naraku taken over? Is he really so distracted that he can't even control his…puppet.

"I hate being a puppet." Yes hatred…I remember how that feels. The door is broken down and we can see the battle going on outside. I recognize the people…the girl. The one I always remember. One of them sees us, the small one, a kitsune. He yells.

_I look up at him at those last words, and hear the door break down as if it were somewhere else, somewhere distant… He stands up and I go with him, unwilling to pull away from the arm still wrapped around me. "Then don't be," I tell him, surprising myself. I didn't mean to say that, I can't even remember thinking it. But I mean it and when I look at his eyes they aren't blank. "Please, Kohaku," I whisper, unable to take my eyes away from his face, and even I'm not sure what I am asking him for._

I swallow and consider his words. "I'll try," I pick him up bridal style and jump into the fray. I'm running while I have the chance. This is the least I can do for him. I can get him back to his friends. I will not let my temporary freedom be squandered following Naraku's orders. I hadn't realized just how inhuman my strength had gotten. I'm not even breathing hard. I need to make it to the tree line. I see the other girl there, the priestess. The Kitsune is running along side us and he jumps up on Souta.

_When Shippo lands on my stomach, I finally remember that the others are there… to save me… I tighten the arm around Kohaku's neck. I don't want to let go but I look over and realize that he's taking me to Kagome… I think that I hear myself tell Shippo that I'm ok, and I'm almost certain that it's in response to his buzzing babble… but only a very small part of me is focused on him, the rest is focused on Kohaku. Don't leave me, I beg him silently, looking up at his face trying to see his eyes._

I glance down at him and find him looking at me. I smile for him, briefly, and turn my eyes back ahead of me. It's dangerous to run while I look at him. He's very distracting. As is his weight pressed against my chest. I'm almost there. None of the others have tried stopping me…I'm not even sure they've seen me. They wouldn't…Naraku in particular…expect me to run. I'm his most loyal servant next to Kanna. I can see her face now…the miko. She's seen me…so has the other girl, the demon slayer on the back of the great cat.

_We're almost to Kagome and I don't want to be here, I want to tell him to keep running and to take me with him. The thought of watching him leave me behind, of watching him go back to his servitude, is almost more than I can bear. I press closer to him refusing to look where we're going. I want to memorize his features while I can, the rest of the world will take care of itself for now. All I want is to be able to stay with him and it's the one thing that I can't have._

We're here and the kitsune jumps off of Souta and onto the miko. I stop running and stare at the miko, wide-eyed. My arms tighten around Souta…I can't put him down. I can't leave him. Naraku's noticed me. I fall to my knees from the pain of my punishment. Still holding Souta tightly against me. I cry out softly in pain. Inuyasha and the monk manage to divert his attention. I double over, panting. My eyes are tightly closed and I pray that they won't try to take Souta away from me. I thought I'd given up praying long ago.

_Don't leave me, I think closing my eyes and I have to wonder if maybe I spoke aloud because we've stopped and his arms are still around me… he's holding me so tightly and I can't think of anywhere else that I would rather be. He falls to his knees and cries out and all I can think to do is cling to him. Don't let go, I pray though I haven't had faith in anything for years. I lean my head against his and pet the parts of him under my hands soothingly… Please be ok… Please don't leave…_

He's touching me, trying to comfort me and it's helping. My world is slowly shifting from pure agony to pure Souta. I feel somehow distanced from Naraku…all I can hope for is Inuyasha's victory. If he greatly injures Naraku I will be free for a short time. A time I can spend with Souta. I catch my breath and offer him a weak smile, opening my eyes and feeling the tears held back by my eyelids slip down my cheeks. I look at him finding solace in concerned blue eyes. I don't ever want to look away from those eyes.

_His eyes are open but they're filled with such pain… I don't know what to do, so I smile at him and lift one of my hands to brush away the tears that have fallen down his cheeks. I look to the battle then back to him and somehow my hand is still on his face, I can't seem to move it… but I don't really want to, "I think Inuyasha is winning," I whisper, looking back at him and lightly stroking my thumb across his cheek. "Hang on, Kohaku, just a little longer, and it'll be ok… I hope…"_

I nod slightly, unable to manage much more. I can feel the three members of the Inuyasha Tachi staring at us, but I don't care. I pet his shoulder, clinging to him and leaning against his hand. The pain ebbs away as I relax slightly. I can breathe again. "Thank you," I whisper, leaning into him. Naraku's presence fades further…I think he's retreating. The pain abruptly disappears and I almost fall onto Souta. My grip loosens and he almost slides from my grasp. He ends up almost sitting in my lap and the stares from the others seem to intensify.

_Heedless of the others staring I settle in his lap, and hold him up, "Are you alright?" I ask him quietly, one hand petting his hair. Naraku is gone and he's still here… I'm not sure what's going on or what it means but… I'm grateful. I lean my head against his, "You're still here," I breathe, voice barely audible, you stayed, I don't know how or why but you're still here, I think at him, and I am more thankful than I have words for. Now I only have one question, how long will you stay here? With me…_

"I'm better now." I whisper grateful for him holding me up. "Is he gone?" I ask feeling weak and dizzy. I feel the pain in my leg and I'm bleeding. I don't know when I got hit, but it explains the dizziness. My vision is getting dark and it's getting harder to focus on Souta. My head is throbbing. "Souta…I can't see…" I whisper, leaning more heavily against him. My arms fall limp and Naraku's presence completely fades from my mind. I relax completely falling forward onto Souta. I can't stay awake. The world goes black and I lose consciousness.

_He goes limp in my arms and I think that he's passed out… but why? "Kohaku?" I ask, trying to wake him, "Kohaku?" I look over at Kagome, and I know that my eyes are wide with the beginning's of panic, "Please, help him," I ask her and I know that there's a note of pleading in my voice. I get off his lap and move myself behind him, supporting him._

_I finally notice that everyone is staring at me… at him… at us?… I can feel myself glaring at them defensively, what's their problem? He hasn't done anything wrong._

I am the first to recover and I run forward to them. I kneel down and pull Kohaku's leg out from under him, seeing the blood. I ask Kagome for the supplies to dress my brother's wounds and it seems to startle her out of her shock. I bandage the leg tightly. It's broken…but I can remember him running on it. He shouldn't have been able to.

This is my brother…my brother is here. He's free…at least for now. I can't believe he's here. How tall he is…why do sisters always notice that first? How much bigger they have gotten.

_Watching Sango approach, I tighten my hold on Kohaku… I know that she's his sister but… she can't have him either… God, what the hell am I thinking? He's not mine, I don't have any claim to him… but… they couldn't help him get away… I did… sort of… shouldn't that mean something? I lean my head against his shoulder, letting my hair hide my face as I realize that what I want is to mean something… to him… I sigh, biting my lip as I realize my folly… why would someone like him want anything to do with me?_

I see Souta hide his face in my brother's shoulder and I wonder how this happened…was it a fluke of luck or was it just Souta. I'm getting the feeling that it had more to do with Souta though. I finish dressing Kohaku's wound and briefly place a hand on Souta's head. "Thank you," I whisper and let my hand drop. An injured Inuyasha tells us that we should leave and go back to the village. Miroku is hovering nearby and I almost think he's more worried about me than Kohaku. Kirara nudges my leg before moving back to transform.

_Back to the village? Oh, God… as soon as we get there, they're going to make me leave… they're going to send me back… I just know that they won't even let me wait until you wake up… won't give me a chance to say good-bye… I'm just a liability to them… I'm so fucking useless… I do as I'm told and the entire trip back to the village is spent in a fog, the only break is my refusal to let go of Kohaku… They're going to make me go home, no matter what I want so screw it…_

"I know that you want to send him home Kagome but we can't. He's the only one that has ever gotten through to anyone who's being controlled by Naraku and he's our only connection to Kohaku now." I tell her, my hand on her shoulder…I hope she doesn't hate me.

I hear the sound of breathing near me and I stir, trying to open my eyes. "Souta?" I ask, blinking my eyes open and investigating the room. I can't seem to focus on anything and the light is making my head throb. I can't tell if it's Souta who's breathing.

_Hearing my name I swim my way back to consciousness. I frown, when did I fall asleep? Rubbing my eyes I sit up and blink, trying to figure out where I am. Remembrance rushes back, nearly overwhelming and I realize that Kohaku was the one who said my name. Heart suddenly racing I lean over him and look down at his face, "Kohaku? How are you feeling?" I ask and my hand is touching his face before I have a chance to realize what it's doing, and try to stop it… though I'm fairly sure that I wouldn't have anyway._

"My head hurts," I say quietly, happy that it was really Souta. I reach up putting my hand over his on my face. I close my eyes again, not liking blurriness. "Where are we?" I ask, wondering if it's Souta's lap that my head it resting on. I feel my leg throb and I reach down with my other hand and find it bandaged. I move my hand back to rest across my stomach. I rub my thumb over Souta's hand and I don't know why. I can't sense Naraku but the lack of celebration indicates that he's still alive.

_He touches my hand and even that tiny contact has my stomach fluttering. "We're in Kaede's house," I inform him frowning slightly. Being careful to not jar him, I shift so I can look at him more comfortably. "Is there something wrong with your eyes, or is it just sensitivity to light because your head hurts?" I ask, concerned. I stroke his cheek with my thumb determined to enjoy every moment with Kohaku that I get, because eventually Sis will override the objections and send me packing. She knows how worthless I am, that's why she never wants me around._

"Everything is blurry." I lean into his touch. His hands are soft, not like mine. Mine are rough, callused. I don't understand why he makes me think about these things, but it's much better than other things. I'm glad he's safe, though I don't know how long I will be. Naraku will not be pleased with my betrayal. I can only hope that he doesn't get a hold of Souta. When did I become so concerned for his safety? I can't stand the thought of Naraku hurting Souta, perhaps it's because I know what kind of pain Naraku can inflict.

_"Blurry? That's not good," I say then sigh at the utter idiocy of my own statement. Of course it's not good, he knows that but hey way to go with the stating of the obvious. Good job reinforcing the belief that you're a complete and utter idiot. Taking a breath I ask, "Uhm, do you want me to get one of the others? To see if they might know what's wrong?" I swallow and realize that my voice has retreated again, leaving behind a soft hesitant version of its self. I'm such a fool, I think sadly closing my eyes._

"No…just stay with me for a while?" I ask, holding his hand in mine. He's gotten quiet again and I barely got to hear what his real voice is like. I pet his hand at the loss. I want to see his eyes, but I'm not willing to risk the headache. I hope he stays; I'm not ready to deal with the others yet. They're my enemies, though I don't want them to be. I don't expect them to trust me over night…or to trust me at all. I'm dangerous. I shouldn't be here…but I don't want to leave him.

_I blink my eyes open in surprise at him, though he doesn't see. "As you like," I whisper, feeling myself blush… He actually asked for me to stay with him… could he… could he really want me around? I shake my head at the improbability of that thought. Of course he doesn't, not me specifically… it's just because I'm here and he doesn't want to jar his head by moving. Yeah, that makes much more sense than him actually wanting me around. I close my eyes against the sting of tears that thought brings, no matter how reasonable it is._

I move slightly and feel pain shoot through my leg. "Ow…is my leg broken?" I ask hoping to at least keep him here long enough to answer my question. I lick my lips and lace my fingers with his. Is that okay? Am I allowed to do this? I'm not…but I'm still doing it. I run my thumb over the back of his hand. My other hand moves up and rests on his leg. I'm trying to anchor myself to him. I don't want him to leave me. I don't know what I'm doing or why I feel this way.

_"That's what Sango said," I tell him, voice calm though I am staring in shock at our interlaced fingers. He's almost… clinging to me… maybe he… I start to think then stop myself as the obvious hits me… oh, of course, he doesn't want me to move and bump his head around. "You don't have to worry, I won't move. You should relax," I tell him, my voice is whisper soft and I am not even sure that he can hear me. Not that it really matters; no one ever bothers to listen to me when they can hear me._

"You can move," I tell him, realizing what he was thinking. "I just don't want you to leave me." My voice is quiet. I hold tighter onto his hand. I don't want to go back to Naraku. I want to be here, with Souta. He's so warm… soft. I'm so afraid that he'll leave and get the others. I…I can't face them, not with the things I've done to them…the things I've witnessed… the strategies I've been made to plan. Naraku discovered somewhere along the way that I was an excellent strategist. But I haven't done those things to Souta.

_My heart stutters and I have to take myself to task. Don't get any ideas idiot, I tell myself, he doesn't mean it like it sounds. You're the only one he knows, and you're too weak to be a threat, so of course he'd rather that only you are around him. "I won't," I promise quietly. I know it's not me he wants, not really, but… a guy can dream, can't he? I feel myself blushing at my stupidity… later he's just going to tell me that I need to stay away from him, that it's for my own good._

"You shouldn't be near me, but I don't want to let you go…" I whisper. Barely even noticing that I was speaking aloud until I'm done. I move my hand on his leg, almost petting. I don't know why I'm doing this, but it's me doing it. Only me. Not Naraku. I want to be here… that's a good feeling. Souta feels good too. I think I like his name… the way it tastes on my tongue. "Souta…" I say, just enjoying the name. I hope he doesn't mind my touching him… I just can't stop. I don't want to.

_He's petting my leg… I swear my head's going to explode I'm blushing so hard… I want to ask what he's doing, but I don't want to make him angry so I keep my mouth shut about it. Using my free hand, I brush his hair back out of his face. "A-are you th-thirsty?" I ask quietly, wincing slightly as my voice stutters. I grab my bottle of water, suddenly needing a drink myself as my mouth has gone completely dry. "I have some water… it's not very cold, but it's wet…" I trail off shrugging, feeling like an idiot._

I test my eyes and smile up at him when I find my vision has cleared. "Water would be nice," I tell him and I actually feel thirsty. I see the container in his hand and am distracted by it…I've never seen anything like it. It looks like glass but it couldn't possibly be. "What manner of container is that?" I can't help asking, looking back to him, knowing I must look confused. I consider touching it but decide that I enjoy touching Souta more. Whatever it is it probably isn't as soft as Souta. I continue petting his leg.

_"Huh?" I ask, momentarily confused. "Oh, this is a plastic bottle…" I smile at him, "Hey you're eyes are open. Is the blurriness better? Does your head still hurt?" My smile turns sheepish as I realize how fast I'm talking, "Sorry," I say still smiling. Reaching over I smooth his hair away from his face, "That was probably too much too fast. Can you sit up? It would make the drinking of the water much easier." My hand is still in his hair, petting it; I can't seem to make myself stop touching him, and I don't really want to…_

I slide up into a sitting position, using Souta's leg as leverage. "My head is much better with your hand in my hair like that." I comment, smiling softly. It really is helping. "Plastic? I'm not familiar with that material." I'm not really as interested in the bottle as I am in Souta, but it is something to talk about. My fingers are still twined with his. I squeeze his hand a bit. My movement jarred my leg but I keep myself from wincing, or even tensing. I like Souta's hand in my hair. I like Souta's hands on me.

_"Not surprising. Oh!" I exclaim, reaching over and grabbing a bottle of ibuprofen and shaking one out. "Um, here take this, it'll help with the pain," I say, holding it out to him with a smile. I lean my head forward to rest against his briefly, then pull back and look up at him, "Can I get you anything else?" I ask him, reaching up and running my fingers through his hair. He… he actually seems to want me to be touching him… he seems to like it… I shiver lightly at the thought… maybe he might actually want me…_

I study the small round… thing in my hand… I think it's medicine. I put it in my mouth, taking the water and swallowing. I blink at the odd flavor. "If that'll take care of the pain then you have given me plenty." I smile at him lifting my hand from his leg to stroke his cheek. I can't stop touching him… I never want to. I distantly feel Naraku's presence flicker to life. He won't try to notice me until he recovers. His wounds must be grave… It will take him some time to recover. Souta's safe for now.

_I can feel myself blushing again. He's looking, no not looking he's staring at me… I don't know why, but it's… nice. It's nice to have someone looking at me like that… even if I'm not entirely sure what it means. "Are you sure there's nothing else that you want?" I want to scoot closer, I want to press against him and curl around his warmth. I blush even harder and have to look away… I wish I dared do either but I can't bring myself to be the one to push that limit. I'm too much of a coward._

"Just don't go away." I whisper softly and hesitate before leaning forward and resting my head on his shoulder. I find I hate the thought of him leaving me and I still can't understand why. Maybe I don't have to understand. Can I just want to be with him? Would that be okay? I move my hand from his face to his side, hoping that he wouldn't mind but unable to resist. I lean against him, wanting to be close and still praying that he doesn't leave. I viciously block out the presence of Naraku. I'd rather focus on Souta.

_God, he's so close, so warm… his head on my shoulder, his hand on my side… I think it might burst my heart's beating so fast. Biting my lip, I rest my head against his lightly, ready to pull away if he moves. I don't mean to but I find myself shifting closer to him, it feels so wonderful to be close like this. It probably doesn't mean the same thing to him as it does to me but it's nonetheless very nice to be not quite held by him… "I won't," I promise, voice barely more than a whisper._

"Thank you." I whisper, petting his side gently and pulling him a bit closer. This is nice…I love touching him, yes love that's the word I have been searching for. I wrap my arms closer around him. "Souta…" I say again, just loving his name. I can't stop…I don't want to leave him. "Is this okay?" I ask, unsure if he wanted to be this close to me. "Do you mind?" I pray that he doesn't but I don't want to make him uncomfortable. He's so warm, so soft, and so different from anything else I am used to feeling.

_"Mind?" I ask startled, "No, it… it's nice," I whisper, moving my head to rest on his shoulder. He pulled me closer… maybe he… no, don't think about it, just enjoy this while you can. The others are going to be finished arguing about what to do soon, then they'll come in here and it'll all be over. I won't even be given a choice, not if Sis gets her way. But I don't want to leave him… Curling closer to him, I close my eyes, and slide one arm around him, while my other hand plays with his hair._

I feel his hand in my hair and I give into the urge to bury my fingers in his. It's so soft. I pull him closer and bury my face in his shoulder. I'm happy he doesn't mind my touching him… I don't think I could've stopped if he'd asked me to. I begin running his fingers through his hair, loving his warmth…his presence. "That's good…I don't want to let you go." I whisper. I'm not sure if he can hear me with my face against his shoulder. I sigh softly… it's a happy sigh, I love being near him.

_His fingers are in my hair and I think I'd be purring if I were a cat. "Then don't," I tell him and turn my head to bury my face against his neck. He's so warm, and it feels so wonderful to be close against him like this, I don't want to be away from him… I press closer, determination welling up in me. I won't go. I'm not going to leave him, not without a fight. If they want to send me away from him they're going to have to use force to drag me away kicking and screaming._

"Okay," I love the way he feels against me. He presses closer and I let go of his hand to hold him tighter. I feel strange with Naraku's presence so distant. I think I'm only feeling my emotions… and all I want to do is be closer to Souta. My heart is beating so fast and I'm sure Souta can hear it. I just want to stay with him… can I forget the rest of the world? I don't think I'm allowed to do that either… but I don't care anymore. I feel my ponytail fall out from his fingers.

_I knock his hair tie out and I wonder briefly if I should apologize for it… I wait but when he doesn't object I just thread my fingers through it, reveling in the feel of his hair in my hands. All I want to think about is him and this right here, "Stay with me Kohaku," I breathe against his skin, so quietly that I can't even hear myself over the sound of my heart. I'm blushing again and I'm not sure why, maybe at the audacity of asking that even if I'm fairly certain that he didn't hear me._

My ears catch the request only because I'm used to trying to hear Kanna when she speaks. "I'll try, Souta… I'll try as hard as I can." I pull him against me. My heart fluttered at his words. I want to thank him but my heart is pounding too hard. I pet his back and I love touching him so much… he wants me to stay with him. I want to stay with him. Naraku's far away and I pray this lasts forever. I want to be here… or anywhere, as long as I'm with him and far from Naraku.

_He… he wants to stay with me? I am more than a little saddened by how hard it is for me to believe that someone would want to stay with me, let alone someone like him. He is so strong and brave… "I wish that you could come home with me," I whisper. Maybe you would be safe from Naraku there, I think to myself. At least then I could keep you near me, and I want that very much… maybe more than I should… I won't let anyone take you away from me, not now that I've found you._

I pet his hair, holding him close. "Why can't I?" I ask, curious about his tone. I can hear someone enter the room and quickly leave again. I ignore it in favor of waiting for Souta's answer. Though, I can't help wondering if I'm to be punished… I've done many terrible things to them… I couldn't blame them if they wanted to. I can feel the pain in my leg slowly fading. Souta's medicine must be working. I move my face, tickling Souta's neck with my nose. My hair tickles my neck. I can't remember ever having my hair down.


	3. Moving on

_I can't help it, I laugh, "Hey, that tickles!" I tell him and in moving away from the tickling I end up practically nuzzling his neck. Yeah, I'm avoiding that question; I'm avoiding it like the plague, for as long as I can. How am I supposed to answer it? Um, yeah, so I'm from the future and I came back here for a quiet birthday picnic with my sister because that's the only time I can ever see her because she likes these people more than me, mom and grandpa… yeah that sounds like a great thing to say…_

I gasp lightly at the feel of his skin against mine then make a pleased noise that I wasn't sure I ever knew how to make. I hold him tighter, only distantly remembering the question I'd asked. Since he apparently didn't want to answer. I lean my head slightly against his hair and make a light 'hm' sound. "Sorry… I wasn't trying to tickle." I inform him… my voice is soft for some reason. I think I'm blushing again. My face is hot. My heart won't stop pounding or my stomach fluttering. I just love touching him. I can't stop.

_I press closer to him, and the hand not in his hair pets his back gently. "That's ok," I say and because he seemed to like it I dare nuzzling his neck again, briefly. What can I say? I'm acting shamelessly, I know… but he's just so irresistible, and warm and he smells so good… and he's been so nice to me… Plus, he's letting me dodge having to answer that most difficult question… Okay, so maybe not the best of reasons but who cares? I don't think I could keep my distance from him, even if I wanted to._

I make a soft sound and lean toward him. Whatever it is that he was doing to me I love it. I pull him closer. "That feels good." I tell him and wonder why it feels so good. I move my nose against his neck in a similar manner to how he was doing it. I can't get enough of him. He is so warm. I want to be closer, to curl myself around him and never let go. I bury my fingers further into his hair, absolutely loving the way it felt. Loving the way Souta felt against me.

_He mimics my movements and I feel a full-body flush start on my face and work its way down. I should stop this, I'm not sure he realizes what he is doing to me. But his hand is in my hair and it's making it so hard to think… I just know that I don't want to accidentally hurt his feelings by pulling away. Fuck it; no one has ever called me smart anyway. Besides it's not like it is going to lead to anything more than this. It's just the reassurance of being close to another person… isn't it?_

I give into the urge to pull him closer. I'm practically sitting in his lap, knowing better then to pull him into mine. I brush my lips against the skin but pull back. I pet his hair, pressing my nose there instead. His hair smells so good. I don't understand why I'm doing this, why I can't stop touching him, why I never want to. "Souta," I say again. I don't know where this is going, but I love having him so close and he doesn't seem to mind. I just can't get enough of this boy that freed me.

_Feeling hazy I start slightly when he says my name. I pull back and blink at him, "Kohaku," I reply, shivering slightly at the feel of his name on my tongue. He's so unbelievably close, it would be so easy to lean forward and press our lips together… but no, I can't. It wouldn't be right. It's obvious from his tone of voice and the look in his eyes that he doesn't really understand what we're doing. So I smile at him and slide my hand down caressing his cheek. "Kohaku," I breathe, just needing to say his name again._

I smile for him leaning into his touch. My name sounds different when he says it. I hesitate briefly leaning my forehead against his. I feel his breath on my face. I'm blushing.

Several days passed. I still haven't let him go. We've been out of the hut. The others seem to be more comfortable around me than I am around them. Souta helps though. I still haven't learned all their names. The girl… the one that I remember the face of, she's very kind to me. Her cat demon… Kirara has been with me almost as much as Souta.

_Days have passed and no one has tried to make me go home… it's a little unnerving, truth be told. Sis has only tried once to guilt me into going home and Inuyasha yelled at her when he caught her. He's always close… I don't think he's let me out of touching range except for that first time Sis cornered me… not that I've wanted to be away from him. I have to keep telling him they don't hold him responsible for what Naraku made him do… I'm not sure how much of an impact my words are having though…_

Souta and the others keep telling me that I have nothing to be sorry for. That I can't be held responsible… but that doesn't stop me from holding myself responsible. I've never tried to get away from Naraku before… Souta was the reason to escape. I haven't felt his presence since the day I woke up. My leg is healing incredibly fast… the Miko, I think her name is Kagome, says that the Shikon shard in my back is causing me to heal faster. It makes sense. Naraku has threatened to remove it several times. I'll die if it's taken.

_He's thinking about Him again… I can tell because he gets this little wrinkle in his forehead. He doesn't quite frown but it's close… I wrinkle my nose and lightly poke him square in the chest, "I am sleepy," I inform him, voice quiet, and blink sleepily to emphasize my point. "Can we go lay down or are you not at all sleepy? Cuz I can always just lean against you and sleep like that." I'm babbling and I know it so I shut my mouth and look at him, waiting for him to decide what he wanted to do._

I smile softly, happy for the distraction. I hug him against me, lying back onto the bare floor. I position him so his head and shoulder are pillowed against my chest. "No I don't mind napping with you." I tell him, burying my fingers and nose in his hair. I know I probably won't sleep, but it's much more comfortable for Souta this way. I lean my head back onto the floor, more than willing to bear the slight discomfort. I'm so used to sleeping like this. I can't sleep on a futon any more… unless Souta's there with me.

_"Thank you," I whisper, curling close to him and sighing happily at his decision. I still can't seem to speak much above a whisper, and if Sis yells at me my voice disappears for hours. I know that this disappoints her, because afterwards she can't even look at me… It makes me feel almost unbearably pitiful. I can't even take my own sister yelling at me, I mean come on now, she's always yelled at me, why should it start affecting me at this late date? I yawn and stop thinking as I let the oblivion of sleep take me._

'So you like him, Kohaku…' I hear Naraku's voice inside my head.

'No' I try denying. He doesn't believe me.

'Do you want him? Want to touch him? Want to make him a part of you? Go ahead… I give you permission. Touch him, Take him.'

I want to pull away to make myself be far away from Souta, but Naraku controls my body now. My hands move and pin Souta's wrist above his head. He looks up at me, sleepy, confused. My eyes are blank. I feel the tears dripping down my face.

"I'm sorry," Naraku lets me whisper.

_I only just went to sleep why is he waking me up…? Wha… my hands, "What? Kohaku?" Blinking open my eyes I look at him, his eyes… they are so blank… Oh, god… I tug at the hands pinning mine, "Let go," I know it's not going to do any good but the words are out before I can stop them. I close my eyes again, as long as I'm not looking at him I can pretend that it's not Kohaku that's hurting me, and do what's necessary to get away. I struggle, but he's so much stronger than me…_

He's using my hands to hurt Souta and all I can do is beg him to stop. The apologies are falling onto Souta faster then the tears from my blank eyes, but only because Naraku wills it.

Naraku is spitting and cursing at me as I beg, disgusted with my betrayal. Naraku cuts off my ability to speak, so I can't even scream when he sends the pain.

Abruptly it all stops. Even Naraku's voice vanishes from my mind. I have control of my body and I pull quickly away from Souta, huddling in the farthest corner of the room.

_It hurts but I struggle anyway and then it just… stops… I open my eyes, hands still above my head and he's not there. Sitting up I bring my arms to my chest protectively, and look around for him. "Kohaku?" I whisper questioningly, but he doesn't seem to hear me. I glance at me wrists and grimace. Those are going to hurt in a few minutes. With a sigh I get to my feet and walk over to him and kneel next to him. "Kohaku?" I whisper coaxingly, "Please talk to me. Are you all right? Is he gone? Kohaku?"_

"I am so sorry," I cry and bury my face in my knees. I hurt him… the tears are falling faster now and I have curled into a tight ball. I do not want… I can't… I hurt him and I'm still here. I'm dangerous… I could hurt him again, but I still can't leave him… I won't. I was trying to save him and get him far away from Naraku's grasp. Now I'm his only connection to him. I look up at him, tears streaking my face.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper again, praying that he can forgive me.

_He looks at me and I reach out and cradle his face between my hands. I give him a small smile, "Shh, it's ok, there's no need to cry," I whisper wiping his tears away with my thumbs. I lean forward and press out foreheads together for a moment then pull back so that I can look in his eyes again. I smile again when I can still see him in them. "I'm ok, Kohaku… are you alright? Did he hurt you?" I'm talking to him but I'm not sure he's hearing me… he looks almost like he's in shock…_

I can barely hear him, but I can see the bruises forming on his wrists. I put them there. Where did I hurt him? How badly? I can't remember. I should be concerned about Naraku's sudden disappearance but he's gone. I only wish that he vanished sooner. I curl back into a ball but I have to ask, "How much did I-" I swallow; "He hurt you?" my voice cracks from the crying. I bite my lip and wait for his reply. I hear him move, but I don't look up. I knew I was dangerous but I-I hurt him.

_He sounds so sad… I can't stand it. I walk forward on my knees and wrap my arms around him. I sit and pull him onto my lap, holding him close against myself. Pressing my face against his neck, I reach up and pet his hair, trying to soothe him. "I'm ok, Kohaku, just a few bruises… nothing that won't heal in a few days." Using the hand not in his hair I cup his cheek and turn his head so that he's looking at me. I smile at him, thumb stroking his cheek. "I'm ok, 'Haku, really I am."_

I close my eyes and press my lips to his cheek, still crying. I hurt him… I hate that Naraku had to disappear for me to even be able to stop. I want to protect him… but how do I protect him from myself. I bury my fingers in his hair, needing to touch. I need to touch… but I'm the one that hurt him. I feel a bitter laugh bubble in my throat but I keep it from surfacing. Souta is sad when I'm bitter. I'm shaking lightly. I hope I'm not upsetting Souta… though I know I am.

_He kisses my cheek and I blush in spite of what just happened. I let the hand cupping his cheek drop so that I can pull him closer against myself. I bury my fingers in his hair for a moment before threading my fingers through and knocking his hair tie out, then I continue combing through it, soothing myself with the repetitive motion. He's shaking but I don't know what else I can do for him, except be here and not let him go. They can't make me let him go… I wish I could take him home with me…_

"I want to be free of him… I don't know how." I don't know how to say this; I just need to be away from Naraku. If I can do that… and I'm with Souta… maybe… something. I can't quite remember what I want to happen between us, but I'm getting closer. I can only hope that this incident doesn't send my memory once again into regression. I curl closer onto his lap and bury my face in his shoulder, letting my lips brush against his neck as I go. He's blushing; I can feel the heat from his face.

_"I have a thought… but I'm not sure about it… I'd have to talk to Sis," I whisper, blushing harder when his lips brush my neck. I bury my nose in his hair as I consider the problem. I drop my arms and wrap them tightly around him, pulling him closer. I don't know if I could get Sis to agree… and what would Mom say? Though she's never minded when Kagome brought people home… but she's always liked Sis more than me… plus she's never brought people home with the intention of them staying for any length of time._

I pull him closer, petting his back and side. I hope this is comforting him. It's helping me. He's thinking about something and it has him concerned. I think for a moment then kiss his neck again, hoping I'm not worrying him more. I want to apologize again but I know what his answer will be.

"I'll go home with you, Souta," I whisper, "Wherever home is. I just want to be with you." My crying's stopped and my trembling has slowed. "You're so wonderful. I hate that he made me hurt you." My voice trembles, "Can I kiss you?"

_I lift my head and look at him, uncertain that I had heard him right. "Kiss me?" I ask him, feeling knocked off kilter by the question. Does he understand what he's asking? I mean he's forgotten so much and he has had so little human contact... But god, I want him to… then the rest of what he said catches up with my brain. "Wait, you'd want to come with me? Without having any idea what it's like? You'd… you'd really want to stay with me?" my voice is painfully hopeful and I hate myself a little for that._

"Yes," I pull back to look at him. "Can I stay with you?" I ask sounding just as hopeful as he had. I move my fingers to his hair. I lean in far enough that I can taste his breath. He hasn't given permission; I'll remain close until then. I remember what kissing means. My memories of the basic of life have been returning. I don't think I've ever kissed before. Not when it will mean something anyway… I think I might have a sibling… family? I can't quite remember but Souta helps me remember things. It's all coming back.

_God, he's so close… "Yes," I breathe, what else can I say? I want him to stay with me, I want him to kiss me, how could I say no? My eyes slide closed as our breath mingles and I tilt my head invitingly. "Please," I whisper lifting my hands to cradle his face. He's precious and perfect and all I want is for him to stay with me… I'm sure he'll change his mind later when he remembers more and spends time with other people but I can pretend it'll last. For a little while at least… can't I?_

I press my lips to his, pulling him tight against me. He's so soft, so warm. I don't know what these feelings are yet but I want more of them. I'd follow him anywhere. I think that scares me… I can be scared. I don't ever want to let him go and he's not pushing me away. I don't care where it is he lives or why he feels the need to keep it secret. I just want to be with him. Far away where Naraku can never touch us. Where we could be… happy. I want that very much.

_I press against him, into the kiss… his lips are chapped. It makes them feel a little rough… I like it… I have to talk to Sis; I've got to convince her to let me take him home with me… I know that if Sis agrees Mom will go along with it, she trusts Kagome's judgment, even though she don't trust mine. I won't leave without him… he wants me and even if it's only for right now, even if he changes his mind later, I want to be there for him as long as he wants me around him._

My lips feel rough compared to his, making him seem all the more soft. I run my fingers through his hair and run my other hand up and down his back. My heart's pounding so hard and he's so close I'm sure he can feel it. I can't seem to catch my breath and I never want to. I'm trying to remember how to deepen the kiss, but it's eluding my recollection. I can't get enough of this, I want more. I try to press closer but we're as close as we'll get. This feels good, Souta feels so good.

_His heart is racing but I almost can't hear it over my own. He's so warm and I love how he feels pressed against me like this… I want more but I can't bring myself to push the issue, I'll be content with whatever he's willing to offer me. If I push he'll leave that much sooner and he might feel like I used him when he was vulnerable and then hate me later… I couldn't bear that… so I break the kiss and pull back to rest my forehead against his, silently praying he won't get angry with me._

I smile at him and place another gentle kiss on his lips still holding him close. I pet his hair. I keep my forehead pressed against his, just enjoying being so close to him. My Souta, my precious Souta… but when did he become mine? He isn't, but I'd like him to be. He's so sweet and wonderful and just so perfect. I lean in to nuzzle… yes nuzzling is what it's called… his neck. "Can you be mine Souta?" I whisper, my voice hesitant and shaky. He's so close and he's so warm. My Souta, that would be nice.

_I think my heart stopped completely for a moment before racing even faster than it was before. God this is going to hurt so much later when he learns there's better out there, but I want it so badly… I need to pretend it's possible for someone to love me, even if I know it's not really true. "Yes," I whisper and press my lips to his fleetingly, afraid to take more than that brief touch. I rest my forehead back against his and pet his hair gently, praying that he won't get angry with me for taking that kiss._

My smile becomes warm and I kiss him again. "Thank you, thank you." I whisper, kissing him between each word. "I don't know how to love you yet, but I'll try, my Souta. I'll try." I pet his hair out of his eyes, my eyes sincere. "You're so perfect, so soft." I snuggle close against him, loving the way he feels against me, loving the sound of our heartbeats together. I want to be closer, but I don't know how. I just want more of him. I'll never get too much. I wish I could remember how to love.

_"Doesn't matter," I whisper, "I just want to be close to you," for as long as you will let me, I add silently, pressing close to him, praying that it was ok to say even the little that I did. "I'm not perfect," I tell him quietly, so quietly that I can barely hear myself. I don't want to say it but I can't let him think something so far from the truth. But soft, yeah, I'm soft and I'm weak and I'm pathetic… I can't imagine why he would think nice things like that about me but… it's rather nice…_

"I want to try," I whisper back, almost missing his second comment, "You are perfect… even if you can't see it. You're so sweet, so willing to believe in me… even when I hate myself. You're helping me remember so many things and feelings. With every new memory I want to be with you more. I can't get enough of you Souta… So I want to remember how to love you. I want us to always be this way." I whisper near Souta's ear, making sure he can hear every word. He needs to know how I feel about him.

_I close my eyes and press my face against his neck. Soft he calls me, and sweet, and wonderful… those are the qualities a person looks for in their first love or in their rebound relationship. I may be perfect for him right now, but give it some time and all the things that he likes about me now will be the things that he wants least from. I knew this was too good to be true. I grimace faintly then lightly brush my lips against his neck. "Thank you," is all that I can think to say to him._

He sounds sad… I don't want him to be sad. I can't stand him sad… "I'm sorry," I whisper, burying my face in his neck. I want to cry again, but I won't do that. "I'm sorry you don't believe me. I'm sorry I made you sad." I hold him tighter. " I wanted you to know how I felt… I…" my voice dies in my throat. He doesn't believe me… He doesn't. There's a slight pain in my back but I ignore it. I'm so sorry… I never wanted to upset him… I just… I thought. I'm so sorry.

_Idiot! I rage at myself, you're supposed to help him and this is not helping! Feeling panic rise inside of me I lift my head and capture his face between my hands, "No, don't be sorry, it's ok. I'm just not used to people wanting me. Shh, please don't be upset, I'm happy that you want me. Happy, Kohaku," I pause and smile at him, thumbs stroking his cheeks, "You make me happy, 'Haku, that you want me to be yours makes me happier than I can say," I whisper and daringly press my lips to his, kissing him gently._

I kiss him back, only slightly relieved, but happy he kissed me. When the kiss is broken I smile at him "You called me 'Haku… I like that." I pet his hair… it's almost become a nervous habit. I turn my face in his hands, kissing his palm. I wasn't trying to get so scared like that… I just can't stand the thought of him unhappy. I lean in to kiss him again. I like kissing him… I think I remember something. I press into the kiss and dart my tongue out, touching his bottom lip. He tastes so good.

_His tongue touches my lip and I hear myself make a soft sound that makes me blush at its wantonness. Darting my tongue out I lick my lips, lightly touching his with the tip of my tongue at the same time. He said something I know he did… but I can't remember what it was… he's all I can think about. I want him to do that again, I want him to do more than just that, but I dare not even think about that yet. Later maybe, if he still wants me… but right now is all that matters._

I tremble slightly at the sound he makes, not entirely understanding what it was doing to me. I feel his tongue touch mine and I can't resist tangling our tongues together and wrapping my arms tightly around him. I press closer, trapping our tongues inside our mouths. His flavor is incredible. I want more, but I don't know what. I'll not push anything until I remember more. I curl tighter against him, loving how he felt. I can't get enough of how he tastes. I use my fingers in his hair to tilt his head back and deepen the kiss.

_Helplessly, I open my mouth for his exploration, and several more soft wanton sounds escape me. I can't resist tasting him as he tastes me. He's indescribable… and all I want is more of him. I have to keep reminding myself he doesn't completely understand this. Finally I have to break the kiss because the feel of his tongue sliding against mine is about to drive me to things he's not ready for and that he'll want to save for someone special. I kiss both of his cheeks gently before resting my forehead against his, trying to calm myself down._

My face is terribly flushed and I try desperately to calm my body. We can't yet… because I can't remember what these things I'm feeling mean. I want to remember. I want to remember so badly… So I can have the courage to even ask him what else he wants me to do. I want… I don't know what I want, but Souta knows… I'm afraid to ask. I want to do what he wants me to… but I don't know what that entails. I pet his hair and kiss his cheek, resting my head on his shoulder. "My Souta."

_I nod against him and lift a hand to pet his hair, "Yes," I agree easily; after all there isn't anything else I would rather be. Combing my fingers through his soft dark hair, I exhale quietly forcing myself to relax again. Licking my lips I pet his back with my other hand. "Are you alright?" I ask him, needing to be sure that I hadn't pressed him too far, too soon. I press a kiss to the top of his head, I know that I shouldn't but I just can't seem to stop myself. I want to touch him…_

"I am all right… I just want to remember things. I want to understand the things… things that my body wants from you. Things I want from you, that I can't quite understand yet." I curl close against him and nuzzle his neck. My hearts still pounding and I'm still flushed. Something else is happening to me, but I don't know what, so I'm trying to ignore it. I kiss his neck gently, just to touch. "… I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?" I suddenly worry that I might be. He's so warm. I'm feeling a bit drowsy now.

_His question startles a laugh out of me. "Not exactly," I tell him shaking my head. I press a light kiss to his temple… it's so easy to touch him, and it keeps getting easier the more I do it… I cuddle him against me and smile, "Don't worry, 'Haku, I'm perfectly comfortable…" then I wrinkle my nose and give another laugh, "Well I think my leg has fallen asleep, but other than that, I'm just peachy keen… Um, I mean I'm just fine, no worries." I smile sheepishly and shift him so the blood flows through my leg again._

I lean my head more comfortably on his shoulder and I think I'm falling asleep. "You're so warm." I whisper and feel myself drifting off. "I'm tired…" I tell him. Even my voice is sleepy. I snuggle up close to him, then change my mind and push him back onto the futon that's in the corner where I moved. I curl around him, as much as I can but my legs still broken despite it's rapid healing rate. He's so warm… why am I so tired all of the sudden? At least Souta was tired before. Maybe he still is.

_I lift myself up on one arm and brush his hair out of his face, "Are you sure that you're alright, Kohaku?" I ask, grabbing the blanket at the end of the bed and pulling it over the both of us. Stifling a yawn I press a kiss to his forehead, feeling sleepy myself. He says that I'm warm but to me he is the one that's radiating heat. I cuddle close to him, wishing a bit wistfully that his leg wasn't still broken… it would make cuddling much easier… "Haku," I say sleepily, my Haku I think to myself._

I smile… I really do like it when he calls me that. I run my fingers through his hair and I can feel myself drifting into sleep. I love sleeping with Souta next to me; there are no nightmares when he's here. I pull him closer, nearly unconscious as I lift my uninjured leg over his hip, just wanting to cuddle closer. I bury my face against his neck. He smells so good. I never want to be anywhere else. I just want him close. As long as I can have him near… as long as he wants to be…

_I let myself relax against him and press my lips against his cheek, feeling myself blush at taking that sort of initiative, but he's so far gone that he probably didn't even notice, thank goodness. Closing my eyes I squirm into a more comfortable position. When I wake up I'll go talk to Sis and convince her to let me take Kohaku home, where he'd be safe. I feel kind bad about taking him away from Sango but… it's not safe here… Giving a soft sigh I finally let the darkness hanging on the edges of my mind take me._

I fall asleep, content with Souta in my arms.

Sango had been the one to come in earlier. She talks to Kagome about Kohaku going to their world.

I wake up and my limbs are tangled with Souta's. He's pressed tight against me and I've never been so comfortable. I pull him closer. I can't help it. I will never have enough of him. He feels so good and I might understand what he's doing to me… my body understands. Now if only my mind could catch up. This is frustrating. I want to know what I want from him.

_He moves and it wakes me up, though not completely. Warm and utterly comfortable, I press against him muttering a sleepy protest when he moves around… I don't want him any farther away from me. But this wakes me up more and I bite my lip hard when I realize that I was objecting to him doing what he wanted to do. God, I can't do that… I'm such an idiot; I've got to remember to always think before I speak or do anything… no matter how tired I am. I'm so stupid… what if he's angry with me now?_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I was trying to get closer." I kiss his neck gently, tangling my legs more tightly with his to press myself against him. Yes my body definitely understands what's going on. I feel so hot, but all I want is more of Souta's delicious warmth. He's so close… I can't seem to control my actions, but this is nothing like when Naraku takes control. So close, close enough to taste. I dart my tongue out briefly, tasting the flesh of his neck. My breath's quickening. I don't understand, but I want to.

_His tongue touches my skin and my breath catches in my throat at the feel. What… what is he doing? I can feel his quickening breath against my skin and it makes me shiver with need. But I can't… he doesn't really understand what it means… "K-Kohaku?" I question voice breathless, hesitant. I feel myself blushing hotly when he presses against me… God, I can't take this… It's torture… He's so close and I want to… But it's wrong, no matter how he's acting. He barely knows who he is, there's no way that he's ready for anything like that._

"Should I stop?" I question. I hate to make him uncomfortable, but my body's screaming at me that I want this. I want to follow its advice so badly, especially if it means getting closer to Souta. Closer is better with Souta. I don't want to stop. "I just want… I don't know what and I don't care what I have to do to get it. I want you closer. I want you always this close. I… I just can't get enough of you. I don't think I can stop." I say into his ear, pressed so close against him.

_My entire body's hot… I can barely think but I can't let this go too far… he presses closer and my hand pets his lower back. "I just don't want you to do anything you'll regret. You barely know yourself… what if later on you look back at this and hate m-that it happened? I mean you don't even understand what it is you want… you don't have to stop but… wouldn't it be better to wait until you knew what it meant?" My voice has faded to almost nothing and tears threaten. I must be making him so angry…_

"I-" I struggle to catch my breath, "It would… Though I know I would never regret something I'd done with you." I pull my face back and press my lips to his, kissing him desperately. Trying to pour my body's need and my own into it. I want to know everything. I want to know myself so I can know everything about Souta. I never want to forget a thing about him. I'll do whatever I can to always be with him. I slide my fingers into his hair, petting it. "You're so perfect… lovely, understanding… I'll never leave you."

_I close my eyes and smile up at him, so he won't see the pain that naïve statement causes me, then I press our lips together again because I need a distraction from the tears trying to get past my guard. Focusing on how nice it is to be so close to him I am able to give him a happy hum, and I can only pray that he didn't notice my slip. I know that once he's himself again he'll realize that his only interest in me is a result of me somehow helping him get away from Naraku…_

He tensed after he hummed… almost like he was afraid. I feel tears rise up at the very thought of him afraid of me. A small tremor runs through my whole body and I press more desperately into the kiss. I don't understand, but I'm so close now. I'm almost on top and I only distantly realize that my leg is completely healed. It suddenly occurs to me why Souta's afraid… He's afraid I'll leave him when all my memories return. I won't. I couldn't bear leaving him. How do I fix this? How can I get him to understand?

_One of my hands is in his hair and I'm not sure how it happened. I shouldn't be encouraging him like this but I don't want him to stop... His weight is pressing me down and it feels so good… he feels so good against me… my enjoyment in having him pressed against me is rapidly becoming obvious. I flush and try to shift so that he won't be able to feel my enjoyment and only end up pressing myself more tightly against him. The wantonness of the sound that escapes shocks me and I tense afraid of his reaction._

The world freezes at the sound Souta makes. I break the kiss, looking down at him and feeling his hardness pressed against me. Has he even noticed how much I'm enjoying this as well? He's so afraid that he'll do something wrong. I want to show him that he couldn't possibly… I don't know how. He's gorgeous. I kiss him again, harder this time, though I don't mean to. I can't stop… I want… need so badly to prove that I'll never regret this. He feels so good. I want more sounds like that. Want them to be for me.

_He pulls away and I cringe. As I open my mouth to apologize he kisses me again, harder. I whimper helplessly, all thought fleeing my mind when I feel his hardness press against my leg. I push up against him, into the kiss, while the hand not buried in his hair, gently presses against his lower back pushing him closer. Having him pressed against me like this is intoxicating and I don't think this is a good idea but I can't say no to him… "'Haku," I whisper, pleadingly, against his lips, no thought in my head now but him._

He says my name… the name he calls me… and I kiss him harder. He tastes so good. We should stop. I can't seem to… I want more. I hope he doesn't hate me for this. I press him into the futon, wanting to get closer… wanting to feel more of him. My hands are running over his body and I never want to stop touching him. I'm letting my body dictate my actions and I can only think of Souta. I trail my mouth down his neck, kissing and licking. I silently beg him to touch me, shivering slightly.

_I writhe slightly against him, not trying to get away just needing to move, to feel more of him. He feels so good against me and his mouth on my skin is so incredibly wonderful… I turn my head toward him and tug gently at his hair, silently asking him to kiss me, needing the reassurance of his lips on mine. In some distant part of my mind, I still think that we shouldn't be doing this but… I **want** to be doing this, I **want** him against me, I **want** him touching me, I **want** to be touching him…_

I feel him tug at my hair and I am more than happy to press my lips against his again. My hands settle from their roving, one petting his side the other petting his hip. I love the way he feels, moving under me. Of its own accord my hand slides under his shirt, petting bare skin. I can feel muscle under the skin and I move my other hand under his shirt as well. I open my eyes while we kiss, wanting to watch him. He's so warm. I move against him just wanting to feel more of him.

_His hands are under my shirt and he's moving against me. Whimpering wantonly I move with him, creating delightful friction. I comb my fingers through his hair, and pet up and down his back with my other hand. Touching him feels so good… I never want to stop… Eyes still closed I press harder up into the kiss, and dart my tongue out to lightly stroke across his bottom lip, just wanting a quick taste of him… I shouldn't… it's not my place… but I want him so badly… and this is probably all I will ever get of him…_

I open my mouth, tangling my tongue with his. I keep my eyes open, loving to see his reactions. One of my hands dips below the waistline of his pants, wanting to feel so much more. He's so perfect… so soft. I love the feel of hard muscle under his smooth skin. He's so gorgeous… I want to… I don't know, but I'm letting my body lead the way. Souta's moving against me and I can't get enough. He's enjoying this… he's making the most wonderful, delicious, delightful sounds… I just want more. He's so lovely. I press closer still.

_He's so warm and close and heavy against me… his hands are… I don't know what to do, so I move with him. All I want is more of him, of this feeling, this blissful feeling. I can't remember why this is a bad idea anymore, all I can think of is him, the way he's touching me… how he feels against me. Closer, he keeps pressing closer and I press back, anything he wants I want to give him… more soft noises escape me… he seems to like them so I stop trying as hard to hold them back._

My hand slide further into his pants and I the noises he's making are driving me mad. I've never been happier for insanity. I don't ever want this to stop. All these sensations… emotions, want, need. I love the way he makes me feel. I want so much more of this. I don't know how to get it. I hear someone enter the room and I ignore the person for as long as I can. The person makes a sound and I reluctantly break the kiss to look to the other in the room. It's Inuyasha. He seems very embarrassed.

_He breaks the kiss and when I look to see why, I see Inuyasha standing there. Realization comes crashing in and I flush with shame. How could I let things get so far out of hand? Angry with myself, I gently move his hands to more appropriate places. My stomach churns; I am utterly sickened with myself. How could I take advantage of him like this? I'm disgusting… I can't bear to look at Inuyasha… I don't want to see his reaction to this. They're all going to hate me… especially him… tears sting my eyes, I'm such an idiot…_

I see and feel Souta's withdrawal from me. I nearly growl at Inuyasha and sit up, pulling Souta into my lap and holding him close. Inuyasha apologizes profusely and seems to be trying to reassure Souta that there was nothing wrong. I ignore him, petting Souta's hair, desperately wanting to comfort him. I bury my face in Souta's shoulder, unsure how to reassure him. Inuyasha gets closer… I only let him because he's trying to comfort Souta as well. I have a moment of raw fear… what if… what if he doesn't want me to hold… comfort him like this?

_I huddle miserably in on myself, and cover my ears, afraid of what they're saying to me. How could I possibly think that I would be allowed to touch someone like him? I press my forehead against my knees and try not to tremble, try to swallow my tears. I'm sick and wretched and wrong, how dare I presume so much? I tense waiting for one of them to hit me for touching him like that… it's one thing to be the security blanket he clings to, and something quite different to try to do something like that with him…_

I watch Inuyasha gently remove Souta's hands from his ears. "Souta? Souta can you hear me? You've done nothing wrong. Everything is okay." Inuyasha assures. I bite my lip… so terrified that he hated me for this.

"Souta?" I ask, voice trembling as much as my hands in his hair. "Souta… I… Are you all right?" I whisper. I'm so scared. I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do. "I didn't mean to push… I'm sorry. Don't cry. Please don't be sad. I didn't mean to upset you." Inuyasha tells me I'm not making things better with his eyes.

_"I'm sorry," I whisper not really hearing them, not wanting to. "I didn't mean to let things go so far… please… please don't hate me, please don't make me leave. I-I know that I'm useless and that no one wants me around but please just let me stay a little longer… please don't make me leave him," my voice is choked with the tears I'm trying to hold back. A few spill out and I know they're going to make me leave, I'm so worthless and weak and pathetic. I tense again, waiting to be pulled away from his warmth._

Inuyasha sits back away from him. I pull him closer. "No, no, no. Don't go away. Don't leave." I cling to him desperately, burying my face in his shoulder. "Please Souta. Don't leave. You're not useless. I want you. Please." I beg and Inuyasha assures over and over that they wouldn't ever make him go away.

"Your sister and I love you Souta. We don't think those things of you and we wouldn't do that to you." He says to Souta. It sound's like something that'd make him feel better. Inuyasha keeps repeating. I ask Souta to listen to him.

_Sis loves me? That's laughable. Kohaku doesn't seem to want me to go anywhere; he's practically got a death grip on me and he said that he wanted me... So I curl against him even though I don't believe I deserve to… but it's what he wants. I look at Inuyasha, feeling pained. "Please don't lie, Inuyasha. I know that Sis doesn't like me. She can't even stand to be around me for very long," my voice is soft and I feel wretched, exhausted, but the tears have stopped. "You came in here with a purpose, what do you want?"_

I see Inuyasha's ears flatten against his skull, looking like a kicked puppy. He sighs and recovers the tough guy look. I bury my eyes away again. "I came to check on you… We're sending you _and _Kohaku to the future; it was Sango's idea. We all agreed that it would be a good plan." Inuyasha stands up. "Your sister adores you Souta… I don't know why you'd think that she wouldn't." He says, sounding rather sad. "You should get your stuff together. The sooner you two go the safer you'll be." I think I hear him leave the room.

_I stare after him, biting my lip and feeling more than a little confused, "If she adores me, then why doesn't she ever want to be around me?" I sigh and curl closer to Kohaku. I press my face against his neck, "Do you still want to come home with me, 'Haku?" I ask quietly, whispering against his skin. "You should be safe there… from him… though it'll probably seem kinda strange to you at first…" I'm starting to babble so I close my mouth and bite my lip and press myself more tightly against him, waiting for a response._

"That's okay… I expect it to be strange or you wouldn't be so uncomfortable talking about it. As long as you're there with me… and we're both far from Him… I'll be more than happy." I whisper, lips pressed to his neck. I'm so happy that he's beginning to feel better… though I don't know anything about his situation with his sister. I don't know how anyone could not want Souta around. "Do you have things to gather my Souta?" I ask, not having anything of my own to take… except my weapon. I only hope I won't need it.

_"Not unless they found my stuff while they were looking for me," I say and look around the room to double check. I don't see anything that I recognize as mine so I shake my head in the negative. "From the looks of things, I don't believe that I do. Sh-Shall we go then?" I ask, voice low and hesitant, looking up at him through my lashes. I don't want to get up and have him think that I am pulling away from him so I'm not going to move until he tells me that he wants to leave now._

"All right," I help him stand up. Before we start walking I pull him tight against me. I nuzzle his neck. I love being this close to him. I'm so glad he isn't upset with me. I'd hate it if he didn't want me to touch him. I feel like crying again. Did I ever used to do that? Did I cry before Naraku took me? I know that I'm not one of Naraku's creations… but am I human anymore? All I know are demons. Am I still fit for human society? It doesn't matter… Souta's never seemed to mind.

_I shiver and press against him, "Thank you," I whisper, hoping that he doesn't ask me to explain myself… I'm not even sure that I could if I wanted to. There are so many things that I am thankful to him for. I'm a little afraid to go out there... afraid of how the others are going to look at me. Inuyasha may have said it was fine but that doesn't mean that they are going to agree with him. Especially Sis… she'll probably yell at me or just shake her head and look disappointed that I was so stupid…_

"You're welcome," I whisper back, "But I am the grateful one…" I pet his hair. "If you don't want to go out there yet… I would greatly enjoy, just holding you like this…" I can barely hear myself I'm so quiet. I tighten my arms around him. He's just so… perfect. "I'm so grateful. I don't ever want to let you go. Can I do that? Would you mind me holding you like this?" I ask against his neck, arms wrapped about his waist. "You feel so good… muscle under such soft skin. Hidden strength lying just beneath the surface."

_I slide my arms around his neck and press against him. "I would love to stay like this but… the sooner we go the sooner we'll be where He can't get you," I say, ignoring his last statement. It's nice to hear, even if it's only pretty words. "I want to know you're safe… is that ok?" I ask pulling back to look up at him, afraid he would be angry or sad or something… I don't want him to be anything but happy… I lift a hand and tuck some hair behind his ear, just wanting to touch him._

"That's okay," I kiss him reverently, "I want you to be safe too." I smile, leaning into his hand. "You're so gorgeous." I whisper, kissing him again. "Please believe me when I tell you these things… I… can't lie to you. Please don't think that I am." I pet his hair and his back. "At least believe that I believe them." Another kiss. I want to wait for him to lead the way to the others, hating to break the moment, but I'm not sure that he will. I hope he believes… but I can't be sure about that either.

_"For now at least," I say and I smile at him then lean forward and press my lips against his neck. "Can we stay close like this?" I ask against his skin, "You're so warm," I love having him close but I admit I have other reasons for wanting him to stay close. If he stays close then maybe Sis will just take us back and not lecture me or anything. "I think mom will like you," I tell him, he's strong like Sis, and brave. Mom will probably want to adopt him and pretend that he's her real son._

I wrap an arm around his waist, shifting us so we can walk. "I'll hold you forever… If you want me to…" I whisper near his ear and kiss his cheek. I don't think… I know he doesn't believe me… doesn't believe that the things I feels for him will remain when… if my memories return. How could I possibly when I can't stand the thought of not having him right here with me? I bite back the rising sadness and I kiss him again. He… I don't know what to do. I smile at him. Souta shouldn't see sadness.

_I look up at him and I think… I think that I've done something wrong, somehow I've managed to upset him. He's smiling but his eyes don't match, not completely. "I'm sorry," I whisper, "Please, tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it. Please," I beg, lifting a hand to clutch his shirt. I look at my hand in horror and force it to let go, dropping it to my side. I hang my head, "I-I'm sorry," I whisper, cringing slightly. "I-I didn't mean to be so pushy, please don't be angry," I beg voice almost inaudible._

"Pushy… no, no. You are not pushy. I want you to be like this. I want you to touch me anytime that you like. You've done nothing wrong. I'm just…" I wrap my arms tightly around him. "I didn't mean to frighten you… I'm not angry or upset… just a little sad that you don't believe I really care for you. I'm bound to prove it to you though. I don't know how yet, but I will. I'll prove it I promise. Prove that I care… that I will always care… there's something else I feel for you… Something more."

_"I believe that you care for me, I just don't believe that you'll feel the same once you remember everything," I smile up at him sadly, "The way you talk about me, the things you say you like about me… when you remember more about yourself, when you spend more time with other people, you'll realize I can't be what you want," I tell him, because what he really wants is a girl, a damsel that he can protect and take care of. Though apparently, I'm weak and soft enough to temporarily fit the bill… But I'll never be enough…_

"Then I don't want to remember, don't want other people. You saved me. I couldn't have done any of this without you. I can't do this without you. Please Souta… I need you with me." I bury my face in his shoulder, crying silently. "Please… I can't… please. I need you… need your strength… your will. You help me… no one else ever has. Please." I hate that he thinks these things… I hate that I let him. I need him so much. He's so perfect. I can't stand him sad like this. I can't fix this. I'm still crying.

_Feeling numb I pat his back, "Hush, 'Haku, don't cry. I'm not going to leave you. 'Haku listen," I say quietly, feeling strangely distant. I lift his head off my shoulder and cradle his face between my hands, turning so he's looking at me, "You need to remember who you are. If… if you can remember and you still want me, I promise I'll believe you, ok?" I don't think he will but it doesn't matter. What matters is making Kohaku feel better. "I promise I won't leave you, unless you ask me to," I add, trying to reassure him._

I tremble softly, nodding, unable to stem the flow of tears.

Tears streaming down his face… Kohaku looks every bit the eleven-year-old he barely got to be.

I sniff, watching and praying that he keeps his word. I don't think Souta would break it, but I'm so used to being betrayed when I'm promised something. I shudder lightly; I don't want to think about those promises. I can't think about those promises. It'll connect me to Him. I don't want any connection to him. I can't stop crying. I'm so scared. I feel so weak. I need him so much.

_"I won't leave you, 'Haku," I whisper and all I can think to do is wipe away his tears and kiss him gently… he seems to like kissing me, so I don't think that he will mind. I'm not very good at comforting people, probably due to the fact that no one ever comes to me for comfort. "I don't ever want to leave you," I tell him quietly, pressing against him. He likes me close, so I'll be close. I don't know if saying that will make him feel better but that seems to be his main concern so…_

"Thank you," is all I can think to say. My tears are slowing and I'm trying to get my breathing under control. I feel him press closer and I wrap my arms more tightly around him, inadvertently pressing our lips together. Despite that I press into the kiss. I hate to be so desperate for reassurance, but I need it all the same and I hate that I'm afraid to trust his promises. I hate the part of me that's still thinking like a demon. I must hate myself too. I suppose that, more than anything, proves I'm still human.

_His lips are against mine and it feels so wonderful. Wanting more I press up into the kiss. I can't stop myself… but he doesn't move away, instead he pulls me closer, so I guess it was ok to do that… But I'm going to have to be more careful about things like that. If I don't ask for anything, if I don't press then it should be ok, he won't be able to hate me for it later. Maybe he'll even still want to be friends with me… As long as I don't do anything stupid, it'll be ok…_

I press happily against him, but I can feel the tension building in the next room. They're waiting for us to come out. I pet his hair, tongue darting out to taste Souta's lips. They can wait for now. I'm shaking lightly but it's okay. I'm still so scared and I do not know why anymore, but the kiss is calming me, my heart is pounding for a different reason now. I'll never have enough of his closeness. My thoughts are melting in Souta again and I let them. When the kiss is broken we can go join the others.

_I can feel his heart racing and the heat coming off him… the way he's kissing me… I don't want it to ever stop… but… I can't let this get out of hand again, it wouldn't be right. I break the kiss but I don't move away. I stay pressed against him and place a couple light kisses on his lips in silent apology. I pull back enough that I can look up at him, "The others are waiting," I whisper softly, reaching up and wiping away the last traces of his tears, "We should go while it's still safe."_

"All right," I smile softly and kiss him. I shift us so that he's in front and I'm walking behind him, pressed close to his back. We walk out into the other room and I see Souta flush slightly but none of them are looking at us in a strange way. Though, the priestess- Kagome- seems a bit distraught. She comes over to us and hugs Souta, but gets me in the mix as well.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers to him, "It's not that I don't want you around. I'm just scared. I don't want you to get hurt."

_Somewhat distracted by Kohaku's proximity, I pat Sis's back a bit awkwardly, trying to reassure her while glaring past her at Inuyasha. Why'd he have to open his big mouth? Now Sis feels guilty, and she shouldn't. It's not her fault I'm pathetic and worthless… Now she'll have to spend time with me to assuage her conscience, to try to be what she thinks a sister's supposed to be, even though I know she doesn't want to… It'll uncomfortable at best and when she finally can't take pretending to like me anymore she'll leave again and it'll hurt even worse…_

"I know that you're older now and you can take care of yourself… but you're my little brother. I like to think that I at least have a hand at protecting you." She says quietly… "Despite my arguments about your safety I really wanted you to come here for your birthday and have a good time… you handled yourself so well out there and even managed to get through to Kohaku. None of us have been able. I'm so proud of you." She tightens her hug a bit around both of us. I don't think she realizes she's hugging me.

_I hug her back, because what else can I do? "Thank you," I say, quietly. She's trying so hard and I let myself believe for one brief moment she actually means it… and it feels wonderful… but I know it's not real so I pat her and lean back against Kohaku; not pulling away but letting her know she could let go. I can't bear looking at her so I move my eyes down and to the side. Part of me wishes I could have stayed in that room with Kohaku… but the rest of me wants to go home…_

They go through the Well and over the next few weeks Kohaku's smiles increase. He still clings to Souta at every opportunity and Mrs. Higurashi doesn't mind at all. Souta's seventeen, plenty old enough to have a boyfriend. Even if he still doesn't call him that. Kohaku accepted the future well, all things considered. No fainting, just confusion… but he's a little less confused now. On this particular day he appears to be following Buyo around the house, asking the pet for his shirt back. Which Buyo had stolen this morning… The old cat is walking lazily around with it.

_Yawning, eyes still mostly closed I grab my cup of coffee off the counter, lifting it to my face and inhaling the warm, rich scent. Taking a sip I open my eyes and promptly choke on a mouthful of hot liquid at the sight before me. Kohaku is crouched low and walking after Buyo, asking him oh so politely for his shirt back. Setting my coffee back down I walk over and steal Kohaku's shirt back, strategically scratching Buyo favorite spots to distract him from the theft. Laughing silently I hold the shirt out to Kohaku, still scratching (distracting) Buyo._

"Thank you," I smile. I take the shirt and shake it out before pulling it on, still crouched. I pick Buyo up, petting him and stand up. I walk to Souta, standing close and lightly nuzzle his neck in thanks. Buyo purrs happily between us. I'm still getting used to the clothes I wear here, but Souta seems to like them. He gets blushy and he can't seem to string together a sentence when I wear something that he's gotten for me. Therefore, I always wear those clothes. I love to make him happy. He's so gorgeous when he blushes.


	4. Memories

_He's doing it again, I think feeling my cheeks heat with a blush I can't seem to stop. I swear his singular goal in life has become to make me blush all day, every day… I do it so much anymore that half the time I get all light-headed from the blood rushing to my head. Sighing softly, then yawning, I press a light kiss to his neck before pulling away and walking back over to my coffee. So early… need caffeine to function… sweet, sweet caffeine… I close my eyes blissfully as I sip the fortunately still steaming liquid._

I smile, watching him drink the… coffee? Yes that's what it's called. I set Buyo down and walk up behind him, resting my chin on his shoulder and wrapping one arm around his waist. "My Souta… I remembered something yesterday… I remember that Naraku made me kill my father and comrades." I whisper very quietly. I finally understand the aching emptiness that is only filled with Souta near. I press my face close to his neck. Hurting but happy to remember and slightly comforted that it wasn't my fault. I'm positive that I have a sibling but… alive or dead?

_I shiver and press back against him… he said that so calmly… it's a little frightening. Setting my coffee down I reach back with one hand and pet his hair. I bite my lip and consider carefully before asking quietly, "Is that all? Do you remember having any siblings?" I try not to sound hopeful, I know this is a slow process… but Sango's waited so long to get her little brother back… then I realize how that must sound, "I'm sorry, that was rude," I turn and press against him, "Are you alright?" I ask, voice soft and low._

"No it's fine." I kiss him softly. My smile's faded. I pet his hair, mostly to comfort myself. "I do remember a sibling, but I can't remember if she's alive…" I press close against him. "I'm getting there." I give him a slight smile, referring to my memory. I lean in and kiss his neck, closing my eyes. I remember my father and I hate that he's gone… but it still doesn't hurt like it should. I know it should hurt more. I think it will eventually. One day everything will come crashing down and it will all hit me.

_"She. You said she. Do you know it's a she or do you just think it?" I don't know if it's a good plan to ask him things like that… but it's worked before, to help him clarify and even remember more clearly. I pet his hair to let him know it's ok if he doesn't want to think about it right now. Turning my head I press my lips to his neck. I still don't think I deserve to be allowed to touch him but… he gets so distraught when I try to put any sort of distance between us…_

"I'm sure that I have a sister." I whisper and kiss his neck. "I just know… though I can't quite remember her… And a cat… I remember a cat was always with us." I smile softly, proud of myself for remembering that much. I nuzzle his neck. "I'm remembering more and more things. It makes me happy… but still sad…he's made me do so many terrible things." I whisper, my mood faltering back into slight depression. I still can't help blaming myself. I wish I could have done something. I hate that I didn't even try to stop him…

_I move my hands to cradle his face, and smile up at him. "What he made you do doesn't matter," I bump my nose against his, "Hey can you remember anything about her? Your sister, I mean? Any specific details, or maybe something about K- the cat?" I'm trying to distract him… trying to erase the depression I can hear creeping into his voice again… I hate when he lets what Naraku forced him to do eat at him… I wish that I could erase all the bad memories and leave him with just the happy ones of his childhood…_

"She had long hair… and a soft voice… like the demon hunter." Why can I never remember her name? "She was always laughing… cheering me up." I can't resist kissing him softly, not when he's this close. "I can't remember much about the cat… just that it was a constant companion." I press close, kissing him again. He's blushing again and I kiss his cheek. He's gorgeous… he still doesn't believe me when I tell him things like that… but he doesn't argue as much anymore. He's trying to distract me from my depression… it's working… I'm lost in him.

_"The demon hunter? Oh, you mean Sango!" I say and smile up at him, wanting to tell him that they were the same person but knowing that he needed to figure it out for himself… and at the same time desperately trying to ignore the way that having him this close always made me feel. I blush harder and hide my face against his shoulder. Taking a deep breath I pull away, turning back to my coffee. I take a sip then cradle it in my hands and stare at it, using it as a shield to keep us apart._

I look at his back sadly. I hate it when he pulls away like that. I can't tell him that… It would just make him feel bad. He doesn't mean to do it. He's just trying to protect himself. I hate that he has to… from me. I tremble and turn my back to him, making it look like I'm trying to find something to drink. He's using the coffee as a shield… I should look for my own shield, but I don't want to hide from him. What if… I… no. I stop the thought and bite my lip.

_Finishing my coffee I go over to the sink and rinse it out then turn to face him, "I'm starved, how about you? Want me to make you anything?" I ask, looking up at him and smiling. He's left his hair down again and some of it has fallen into his face. Without thinking I raise a hand and tuck his hair behind his ears. I pull my hand away slowly, letting my fingers trail across his cheek. I want to see him smile and my touching him of my own will has yet to fail me in that respect._

I pull my lip from my teeth to smile at him. "Yes please. Anything you're having is fine." I take a step toward him, but remember myself and stop short of hugging or touching him. He's in a pulling away mood. Touching him when he's like this just hurts too much. My smile's still there and still real. I'm happy that he touched me, but I won't initiate contact until I'm sure he wants me to touch him. I'm always happy when Souta touches me… but sometimes Souta gets sad when I touch him. I hate to make him sad.

_I stay looking at him for a long moment letting my hand rest against his cheek. I move my fingertips to his hairline then (not quite touching) trail them down the length of his face. He's beautiful and I wish with all of my being I was worthy of him, that I had the right to touch as I pleased… but I don't so I smile then move to the fridge getting out the things I'll need for breakfast. When I walk past, I brush against him, not bothering to make it seem an accident… I want his smiles today…_

"Souta…" I say softly when he brushes past me but I'm unsure why. I wait until he sets things down then I step close. I can't stop. I keep walking until he's nearly pressed up against the counter. "I'm sorry. " I blush, "Can I… can I have a kiss? A… A real kiss? Before you start breakfast?" My voice trembles slightly and I hate to ask him like this… But I want to so badly. "Please?" I whisper, licking my lips. I'm trembling slightly. I'm afraid… I don't want him to hate me. I just want him close always.

_My breath catches in my throat as I look up at him, feeling the edge of the counter pressing into me. I feel myself flush and it feels as though my whole body has been set on fire. He's so close and all I can do is stare up at him… my mouth has gone completely dry and I cannot seem to form a single coherent thought. I know that he asked me something… something that needs an answer but I don't know what it was… all I can see is him, so close, so perfect, god how I wish…_

"Souta?" I ask, blood-running cold with fear. I don't want to kiss him without his permission… I'm not sure that he was listening. Do I have the courage to ask again? We haven't kissed… like that since we left my time. I swallow a terrified sound and ask again. "Will you kiss me? Like we kissed… before?" I ask, putting a hand close, but not quite touching, by his face to assure that he listened to my words. I don't know how I keep my voice from trembling. He hasn't asked and I haven't… I hope he wants this too.

_His hand is so close… why isn't he touching me? I turn my face and press into his hand, making a soft noise at how warm his hand is. His words slowly turn into something coherent as my mind slogs through the sudden intense feelings having him close like that created. I blink my eyes open and look up at him, "'Haku," I breathe and all I want is him closer… what did he ask for? "A kiss? Oh yes, oh please," something in the back of my head is screaming no… but I cannot in this moment fathom why…_

I almost fall into him… but I can't have this turn out like it did last time. "Are you sure? You aren't…? Are you going to… be sad after if we do? …Like last time?" I need him to focus… I need this to mean… something. I need him to want this… all of him to want this. "I don't want you to be sad… I want to kiss you like that, but I won't if it will make you sad." My voice is steady. It shouldn't be. I hope he understands what I'm saying. I couldn't bear repeating this.

_I feel like crying, but instead I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to force my mind to start working again because that's what he wants. So I stop and I lean my head against his shoulder and I think about it. After due consideration, I lift my head and look up at him with serious eyes. A small part of me is angry with him for making me think about this, but the rest of me is grateful for it. "As long as it's only a kiss. If we can keep it to just kissing, yes."_

"Only kissing. I promise." I hesitate then put my hand on his cheek, leaning in and gently pressing my lips to his. I will wait for him to press back before trying to deepen the kiss. I put my other hand in his hair, needing the reassurance of the way it feels. I'm so glad that he was listening. I was so afraid he'd be angry with me for making him think about it. I'm so terrified of the thought of him angry with me. I don't think I could stand it. I'm sure I'd fall apart and beg forgiveness.

_I place my hands on his chest for balance, and raise myself up on my toes to press into the kiss. He said he wanted it to be like before, why is he being so tentative? Is he having second thoughts? Oh… oh god, he's changed his mind and was only pressing his lips to mine out of courtesy because he was the one that asked in the first place… I let my hands slide back down to my side and I settle back on my heels waiting for him to pull away, certain now that was what he intended._

I feel panic flood my veins and I automatically pull him close again, inadvertently pressing into the kiss. I can't help it. I tighten my hold further and my tongue darts out, licking his lips. I'm so terrified, but the heat that's pumping from my heart is overrunning the cold of my fear. I'd forgotten how good he tasted. I hate that I forgot that. I never want to forget anything about Souta. Nothing. Every new thing I learn about him fuels me to remember more. With every new memory I feel more for him. I almost understand it all.

_He pulls me tight against him and I can't help the small sound that escapes me, as I open my mouth for him, offering it for his exploration. Given this tangible sign that he did in fact want this I press back against him, wanting nothing so much as to be close. I fist on hand in his shirt while the other slides up and buries itself into his hair. He feels and tastes even better than I remember… god how have I been able to stand not doing this these past weeks? When did my will become so strong?_

I tremble and tangle my tongue with his. He tastes so incredible. I press him a bit harder into the counter, desperately wanting to get closer. I must have forced myself to forget. I don't think I can live without this. I love the way he feels, pressed against me. His mouth is so warm, wet… and he's just so… I can't describe it. I won't even try. He's Souta, just Souta and I'll never have enough of him. He's so precious, so perfect. I've done nothing to deserve this. I don't deserve this. He is so gorgeous. Never enough.

_He presses me harder against the counter, forcing a wanton whimper past my lips and into his mouth. It hurts some, the way the counter is digging into me, but the pain is lost in the incredible feeling of having him pressed so tightly against me. I have a sudden almost irresistible urge to push myself up and wrap my legs around his waist… but I make myself fight against it. This is only supposed to be a kiss. Just a kiss… dear sweet god, how am I going to be able to keep this as just a bloody kiss?_

I slide my arm around his back, placing it between him and the counter, letting it dig into my skin instead. I press harder into the kiss, wanting to taste him forever. A quiet moan escapes me; I don't even try to stop it. I want Souta to know I'm enjoying this. He deserves to know. He deserves so many things. I will give him all that I can of myself, anything that will make him happy. I want to give him everything. My memories, my escape, it's all for him. I'd be nothing without him… just a pathetic puppet.

_My arms are around his neck and I don't remember how they got there. He's so warm and alive against me and the sounds he's making are driving me insane… all I can do is press myself more tightly against him. I'm pulling myself up and somehow my legs are around his waist… when did that happen? And how? God I don't care… all that matters is him and being this close… having him pressed so tightly against me in such a way… And it's only then I wonder is he has any objections to supporting my weight like this._

I break the kiss, panting heavily, but not pulling my body away at all. I stay pressed against him, petting his waist where I am holding him up, trying to indicate that I only broke the kiss to catch my breath. I nuzzle his neck, moaning quietly because of the feel of him against me. "Souta… Souta, Souta, Souta." I say, loving the taste of his name almost as much as the taste of him. I rock us slightly back and forth, still panting. I just want to be closer… He's so perfect. "My Souta," I whisper into his ear.

_He breaks the kiss and my head falls back as I give a soft cry, shuddering against him. He's rocking against me and whispering in my ear… it's enough to make me want to writhe against him but I force myself to stillness. "'Ha-'Haku," I say trying to get his attention, "We, god, we have to stop. Please," I whisper and my voice is not quite begging. I press my forehead against his, while one hand pets his hair to show him I'm not upset, not with him… and I'm not, I'm just utterly overwhelmed by the feel of him._

I tremble and slide to my knees, carefully sliding Souta down with me. I shift him to one side of me and lean against his shoulder a bit more heavily than I intended to. "I'm sorry… I promised… just kissing." I'm still panting slightly. "You're so precious… gorgeous." I whisper, wanting to tell him even if he doesn't believe me. I pet his shoulder softly. I don't know… I've started to figure out what I want… mostly I just want Souta. I want all that he will give me… if anything at all. I just can't get enough of him.

_I wrap my arms around him and lean against him… He feels so wonderful against me, and so very warm. I smile at his latter comment but ignore it and press a light kiss to his neck as I answer his first words. "There's no need to apologize, 'Haku. We're both still dressed and our hands have stayed in reasonably appropriate places…" I give a small bright laugh that startles me a bit, "Though they probably wouldn't have for much longer the way things we going. It was wonderful… but overwhelming and rather fast…" I tell him quietly, cuddling closer._

I can't help smiling brightly. He laughed… I got him to laugh. I snuggle closer. I love it when he laughs. I kiss his face and neck lightly. "Souta," I say softly for no real reason… just to say his name. I pull him into my lap, just to cuddle and nuzzle his neck. I know he ignored my compliments, but it doesn't matter. He laughed… I can't help being completely delighted by that fact. His real laughter is rare and short and is to be treasured for all that it's worth. I will never forget Souta's laughter. Not ever.

_A quiet startled sound escapes me as he pulls me into his lap. A bit surprised but more than pleased by it, I snuggle against him, pressing my lips to his neck. He's smiling again and that makes everything all right again. I love the way he looks when he smiles, and this one is so bright… it makes him look so very happy. I tilt my head back to look at him; I love it when he looks this happy… it's so very rare though… I wish there was a way for me to make it a common occurrence._

"I love it when you laugh like that," I whisper wanting to tell him. He's so precious to me. I wish he believed me when I told him that he was. He still thinks that I'll leave him when I remember. I can't help feeling terribly responsible for that fact. I failed him somehow… but he wouldn't like that either… so I try not to think that way. I kiss him softly on the lips, just an innocent kiss. I touch the side of his face, running my thumb over his cheek. "It makes me so very happy, my Souta."

_He kisses me chastely and it has my heart racing almost as fast as the previous kiss. I blush and close my eyes but I lean into his hand, loving how warm it felt against my cheek. Sighing softly I open my eyes again and look up at him. The look on his face makes me smile; it's so warm, happy… he seems rather pleased with himself. I poke his nose with my finger, and I'm not sure which of us I'm trying to distract… maybe both of us. My stomach growls and I laugh again, "Are you still hungry?"_

"Yes," I smile brightly my stomach growling as well. He laughed again. I kiss him quickly once more and I stand up with him in my arms. I set him on his feet and give him another good hug before releasing him to cook breakfast. We have found that I cannot cook with Souta's future equipment. It turns out as an utter disaster. I love to watch Souta cook. He looks so lovely, focused on whatever he's cooking. I'm starting to remember these things my body wants me to do… though I'm positive that I've never actually experienced them before.

_Smiling, I shoo him back against the far wall, well away from the stove. He's dangerous in the kitchen, when there's cooking happening. He always wants to know how things work. It's cute but scary sometimes… I swear he has no awareness of simple dangers. I push him against the wall then lean up and press our lips together briefly… ok so maybe I'm beginning to have some hope… he's remembered a lot of things so far… and he still clings to me and calls me his Souta… just look at him, with that kind of encouragement, who wouldn't hope?_

He presses me into the wall for a brief kiss. I'm so distracted by it that I almost follow him back to the stove. He shoos me back again and I press my back to the wall. I stand up on my tiptoes, trying to see what he's doing. These tools are so fascinating. I love seeing how much everything works almost as much as I love watching Souta work them. I move my head about, trying to get a better look. I'm careful not to stray from the wall. I've caused enough trouble in the kitchen for one month.

_While I cook I keep looking over at him to make sure he doesn't get too close. Sometimes he gets so distracted trying to figure out what I'm doing, he forgets to stay back. It's silly but I love that about him… that he can get so wrapped up in something, he forgets about everything else. He's so beautiful when he's like that… With a grimace I focus myself back on the food I'm cooking… it would be a terrible thing to have to throw out this food… it would take forever to replace it, too long my stomach thinks._

He keeps looking over at me and it's a good thing too. It reminds me to stay by the wall. Buyo comes walking by, rubbing against my leg, and asking to be pet. I pick him up, scratching him behind the ears. The cat meows, upset with me for moving around to look at Souta. I look down at Buyo. "That's what you get for stealing my shirt." I tell him and continue trying to see what Souta's doing. I know Buyo is much too lazy to scratch me when he gets upset. My stomach growls impatiently. I ignore it.

_With a special flourish, because I know he's watching, I plate the food. Turning I look at him, "Please grab some utensils and napkins," I ask politely, picking up the plates and carrying them to the table. I look at him and smile as I pass. I want to kiss him again… not even the food tantalizing my stomach holds as much interest as the thought of kissing him again… but that would be a Bad Idea so I accept my napkin and my utensils and I start eating… but I can't keep my eyes from straying back to him..._

I eat slowly, savoring the food. Souta is staring at me. He hides it well. He looks how I feel. Like he wants to kiss me. I set my chopsticks down looking up at him. "Souta?" I ask to get his attention, though I already have it. "I want you to know, any time you want to kiss me or touch me in any way, I want you to. I will never object to you doing that… never. I always want you close so you don't even have to ask." I make sure to keep eye contact the entire time.

_I look down at my plate blushing furiously… don't be so obvious idiot, I tell myself angry that he'd seen… because I can't do what he's asking me… I just can't do it. I want to… but I don't have that kind of courage. What if in spite of my newly hopeful outlook, he remembers the rest and changes his mind about this… I don't want anything that I have done to ruin my chances of him not hating me for things that might happen… I couldn't live with him hating me… I just wouldn't be able to bear it…_

My eyes drop sadly to my plate. He's not going to believe me again. It hurts terribly and I feel like I've failed. I continue eating my food, viciously stifling tears before they can form or even show signs of their existence. I think I used to cry a lot. Not a tremble betrays me. When I cry it makes him sad. It makes him worry. I won't cry over this. I won't. I chew my food slowly, no longer tasting it. I hate that. I know it tastes good. I can't concentrate on that, needing to fight the tears.

_I hurt him. He's hiding it but I know… his smile is gone… and it's my fault… I begin shaking and ignore my food. Maybe… as horrible as it could be… this is worse. My chest hurts… I feel like I'm going to cry. I can't… I stand abruptly and I feel his eyes on me. Trembling I walk over to stand in front of him. I can't bring myself to actually kiss him… but maybe if I touch him, he'll kiss me. So I touch his cheek and look at him, silently begging him to understand that I'm trying…_

I see the plea in his eyes and stand instantly. I wrap my arms tightly around him and put my lips close to his. "Please kiss me." I beg. He needs to do this on his own or I can't believe that he really believes. That doesn't mean that I can't beg for it. We're already practically kissing but him pressing into it on his own is what I need. I hate to ask this of him, but I have to help him build courage in himself. I don't know why but I need this… no… We both need this.

_I could almost hate him a little for making me do this… almost… but he asked and that makes it ok. Makes it so I can put my arms around his neck… makes it so I can push up onto my toes and press our lips together, showing him, proving to him I mean it. I tighten my arms and press harder into the kiss, into him. It's exquisite torture, to have him so close, so willing, and knowing it will go no further than a kiss. And maybe, if we're very careful, some touching… but that's dangerous, slippery ground._

I bend down slightly to make the kiss easier on both of us. He's so close. I close my eyes. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist, pulling us closer still. I pet his back and my hand slips gently under his shirt of it's own accord. I dart my tongue out, licking his lips, wanting to deepen the kiss.

Something… other than Souta steals my breath and memories flash behind my eyes. Instead of breaking the kiss to sort them out, I press closer… needing more. I'm quickly becoming overwhelmed by the sensations, but I can't stop now.

_He presses closer and his hand is under my shirt… I can't stop the small helpless, wanton noise that escapes me as my lips part in offering to him. It feels so wonderful to have him close like this… I don't ever want it to stop. Please don't push this too far 'Haku, I beg him silently, I don't want this to end, I don't want to have to pull away to keep it from going too far. I bury my hands in the loose silken strands of his hair, and press harder into the kiss, tangling our tongues together._

I break the kiss, pressing my forehead to his. My eyes are still closed and my head is reeling from all the new information. I pant heavily, unable to catch my breath. I pet the skin under my hands to assure Souta that I was all right, though I'm not sure I am. It's all there now and I can't seem to put it in order. I remember everything but I can't put it all together. The puzzle is complete but the pieces aren't in order. My head hurts and I can't focus enough to try and organize it all.

_Dazed by the abrupt separation, I blink trying to catch by breath. Petting his hair I try to collect my thoughts. As my brain starts functioning again I notice he seems to still be having trouble catching his breath. "'Haku? 'Haku, are you all right? Is something wrong?" He looks… he looks like he's in pain. That's not good. Biting my lip I gently push him back down into the chair. Tilting his head up to face me I press a gentle kiss to his forehead and say, "Talk to me, 'Haku, tell me what's wrong. Please," I beg softly._

"My head… everything's there." I can't manage anything more coherent; my head feels like it's going to explode. I cling onto the hem of his shirt. He's above me… When did that happen? Am I sitting down? It doesn't matter. I take the deepest breath I can manage and try to relax. I need to focus… it's so hard. My head hurts so much. I'd love to give in completely to the memories, but that would likely cause me to faint. That would worry Souta. So, I struggle to keep them back until they've unknotted themselves, struggle to stay conscious.

_Everything is there? What does he mean? Wait… oh, everything… no wonder he looks like he's in pain. I sit on the floor and pull him onto my lap, trying to be gentle. Cradling him against me I pet his hair and press a light kiss to his temple. "Just relax 'Haku," I whisper, trying for soothing though I'm unsure how well I'm succeeding. "It's ok. Don't fight them; just give in to them ok? I've got you, it's ok to let go, to let them do what they need to." I kiss his temple again, and hold him close._

I curl against him. Give in… I'm afraid. I tremble slightly and press my face into Souta's neck, breathing in his soothing scent. I'm careful, slowly letting the memories through, one at a time. I can only hope that they will organize themselves once they're acknowledged. I hold on tighter to him, petting his hair. I whimper softly when the memories are coming too fast. I can't handle this much information at once, too many emotions, and too much heartache. The pain is ebbing away but my confusion grows. The world's vanishing and all I can hold onto is Souta.

_I kiss his cheek, his neck, anywhere that I can reach trying to reassure him, to calm him. "Hush, it'll be ok… I'm sure it's difficult but you have to relax, don't fight it and don't force it. The more you resist the more it will hurt," I say keeping my voice low and soothing. I don't think that he can really hear my words anymore, but maybe my tone is getting through and helping… I don't know what else to do so I just keep talking to him, "Everything will be all right 'Haku, you just need to relax."_

Relax? Yes… I relax. The memories feel as though they're flooding my veins. I bite my lip, trying not to tense up again, trying to accept the memories… Oh… God… My village. My family. My sister? She lived, she lived and it's a frail hope but I'm sure that I've met her since my imprisonment. I think I might know her, but it's too hard to focus now. I relax further against Souta, his voice soothing me. I can't focus on any one thing, I try to concentrate on one and ten others are trying to interject. I finally faint.

_After I feel him slump, I scoot back against the nearest wall, dragging him with me. Reaching the wall I reposition him with his head resting on my lap, so I don't have to support all his dead weight. He seems troubled so I pet his hair. Judging from how he's acting this will be it. All that's left now is to wait and see how he feels after waking. I grit my teeth and try not to think about it. I know the most likely scenario is he won't remember any of the last few weeks, not even me._

I stir and it feels as though an eternity has passed. I feel warm and safe in someone's arms. I blink my eyes open, looking at my comfort. A boy? Yes, Souta. How could I forget Souta even for a second? "Souta?" I ask trying to get his attention. He looks at me, blue eyes meeting brown. Abruptly all the bad memories hit me hard and I curl myself tightly around Souta, mourning my village for the first time. Tears fall past my lashes, "Oh God, Souta. They're gone… I killed them," I sob harder against him and cling desperately.

_I've almost fallen asleep when he finally stirs. He says my name and it takes me a moment to realize he's talking to me. I look down and meet his eyes and I can see the exact moment when everything catches up with his conscious mind. It hits him hard and suddenly he's clinging to me and he's sobbing so hard… I pull him close against me and pet his hair, "Shh, 'Haku it wasn't your fault," I whisper, gently rocking him. "I know it doesn't make it hurt any less but you didn't do it of your free will."_

I cling tighter, shaking and sobbing too hard to speak. It hurts so much. I may have known this morning, but now I understand. I… I can't… oh God I killed them all. The realization is tearing me apart. It's not just faded memory that I can't confirm. It happened. He used me… violated me much worse than I could remember before, but my hatred isn't enough to overrun the sadness. I start to hiccup between sobs, my body trying to gather more air. I can barely breath, but I can't stop crying. Though Souta's helping to quiet the sobs.

_There are words in his sobs and I don't think he realizes he's speaking out loud. He thinks he killed them all but… "Not all, Haku, your sister's still alive. You still have her," I don't know if he can hear me but I hope he can and that somehow he can derive some small measure of comfort from the knowledge. "Hush now, crying is good but if you keep at this pace much longer you're going to make yourself sick. Please 'Haku, you have to calm down so you can breath," I tell him keeping my voice low, soothing._

He's trying to comfort me, trying to get me to calm down. I bite my lips, forcing my sobs to slow. My hiccupped breathing comes easier, but the tears are still flowing. I tremble with the effort of not sobbing, still clinging to him. I take slow deep breaths, trying to gather enough air to ask him about his first comment. "Sango's okay?" is all I can manage. It's almost too much to hope for. She tried to protect me, even after I'd wounded her and died in the process. I was shot. I unconsciously reach for my back. Arrows?

_"Yes, Sango's fine. Kohaku, everything you're remembering… it happened a long time ago," I almost wince at those words, not entirely certain that's a good thing to say. Biting my lip, I hold him close but carefully, trying not to invade his space… though he's managed to work himself practically into my lap. I know he said my name but he doesn't even remember seeing Sango, so it must've been a fluke. I pat his arm comfortingly, "Sis's due today, I'm sure she'll be willing to bring Sango here," I tell him, hoping it'll bring him out of his depression._

"Thank you Souta." I whisper… there's a hole in my memory. I remember Souta. I remember escaping with Souta… then I remember being here, in this strange new world, but the only thing between that I can remember… is Souta. I bite my lip, a little afraid to ask my next question. Afraid to know how long I was under Naraku's control. "How long Souta? How long ago was that?" My voice trembles from the crying. I move closer, settling myself in Souta's lap, needing to be close. I cuddle close; making sure that Souta knows he is comforting me.

_I bite my lip I don't want to tell him but what choice do I have? He's going to find out, regardless. "Eight years," I whisper and my voice barely works… I don't want to be the one giving him difficult truths… I just want to be the one to comfort him… but I don't get that kind of luxury. Oh well… honesty's always the best policy… but I hate to be the one giving him more pain. I take a deep breath to brace myself for the fallout… I hope that revelation isn't the camel that breaks his back._

I wince and bury my face in Souta's shoulder, petting his back. He didn't want to be the bearer of bad news, but he told me anyway. "So… I'm nineteen." I say, feeling the need to cheer us both up. The tears have slowed and I nuzzle his neck in thanks. I'm trying not to think about how long I was in that vile demon's control and hoping Souta will just go along with it. "You're seventeen, aren't you, Souta?" I ask making sure I had correctly calculated his age and proving that I remembered him. I look at him.

_I blink for a moment in surprise then nod, "Yeah," I agree quietly. Maybe he really does remember me… but that doesn't make any sense. Why would he remember me and not Sango? Shaking my head to clear it I look back at him feeling uncertain. I pet his arm hesitantly, not really sure if he wants me to be touching him like that. I don't know what I should be doing right now. He remembers now so things are going to change… I just don't know how… I'm a little afraid of how things are going to be now…_

I smile at his touch, kissing Souta's neck. "Thank you for staying with me. How long has it been since I passed out?" I ask, moving my hand up to pet his hair, pressed close against him. I look around and realize that we're in Souta's room. "When did we move from the kitchen?" I blink at the room, seeing my makeshift futon in the corner. I wonder if Souta brought me in here by himself or if one of the others helped him. I lean into him, taking solace in his presence. I wish I could make him understand.

_"Umm, I'm not sure how long you were out… a few hours, I think. We moved from the kitchen about two hours after you passed out. The floor was becoming increasingly uncomfortable," I say quietly shifting minutely as I remember just how numb my ass was when I finally moved him. Hesitantly, I lean my head against his very lightly… I'm not sure if the boundaries are different now so I don't want to push my luck and end up with an upset or weirded out Kohaku… because that would be very bad… worse than bad… to me at least…_

I pet his hair, using its softness as a welcome distraction. He is so warm. I hum softly, knowing he was hesitant and afraid that his boundaries were different now. They aren't and staying close to him is all I can think of to show him that. I don't want to embarrass him by just saying that he could touch me more. It is a little different now, but I still want Souta with me… forever if I can have him. I feel terribly unworthy of him now, but I'm feeling selfish enough to wish him by my side forever.

_I want to wrap myself around him and pretend nothing else exists for just a little while… but I can't… I wouldn't have been able to do that this morning so wanting to do it now is just ridiculous. Besides, Sis'll be coming back with Sango shortly… she came while he was asleep and I asked if she would because he didn't really seem to believe me when I said that she was still alive… I hope it's a good idea… Sis didn't seem too sure about it, but that was probably because I'm the one who thought of it._

My heart aches, but Souta helps with that. It's hard to be truly sad when I'm holding him. He said that Sango was coming… Sango survived. I hope she isn't upset with me. A childish fear, but one I have. It's been eight years… I feel much older, but I'm still thinking like an eleven year old. I suppose I can't help it the only other way to think is like a demon… and that prospect terrifies me more than I'd care to admit. I press my face closer against his neck. A demon-slayer thinking like a demon, that's bad.

_Tentatively I lift my hand and lightly pet his hair with my fingertips, ready to drop my hand at the slightest hint of withdrawal… I just want to touch him a little… I want to believe my being here is helping him a little… utterly selfish and probably idiotic but I can't seem to help it. I'm a fool to think I could be anything other than something for him to cling to… Once he sees his sister I won't even register anymore. He'll just want to be with her and who could blame him? Family's more important by far._

I lick my lips, "Will you s-stay with me when Sango comes?" I ask, knowing that I'm going to need the support. "Please?" I swallow. He's touching my hair and I can feel myself relaxing against him. The physical and emotional exhaustion are starting to set in. I can't fall asleep yet. I take a deep breath, waiting for his reply and pressing my lips to his neck. Souta's real and solid… I can feel his heart beating and that's comforting me more than I can say. I wish he'd touch me more, but I'm afraid to ask him to.

_I chew on my lip for a moment before answering, "If you want me to," I say finally. I know he just wants a shield, a barrier for the initial shock of reunion, and who better than me: his personal comforter and cling toy? Once he realizes that she doesn't blame him for what happened, he'll relax and not need me… but I'll stay with him until he stops noticing me. The mere thought that he'll forget about me makes me feel a little ill, but I know that I don't have any right to expect anything else from him._

"I always want you with me." I whisper back. He's always been afraid of me forgetting about him… not wanting him when I remember everything. That's what he's certain of now. I can hear it in his voice. I hate that he hasn't gained more faith in me. It's my fault. "I'm sorry that you still don't believe me Souta. But I will always want you with me. I'm sorry that I couldn't make you believe that." I tell him, wanting him to know and feeling absolutely terrified that he'd never believe me. I know I understand these feelings now.

_I flush, angry with myself for upsetting him before he has a chance to see Sango. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault… Look I promised I would believe you if you still felt the same way after you remembered everything… and I will… just talk with Sango first, ok? We'll work our stuff out after you talk with your sister. She's the priority because I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here after you two work things out, ok?" I'm not sure that I'm making any sense to him… I really hope he understands what I'm trying to say._

"Okay," I say against his skin, biting my lip… He did promise. I pull back, kissing his lips softly before burying my face in his shoulder again. I do need to talk to Sango, but I want to be here with Souta. Even seeking revenge on Naraku isn't worth leaving Souta. I know Sango will be sad to not have me with her, but she'll be all right. I need Souta; I think he needs me too. I know Sango, she'll understand. It's almost strange at how easy it is to believe she's alive… but Souta wouldn't lie about that.

_He kisses me and I feel myself blush. He still wants me… it seems unbelievable… but he wouldn't lie to me… I lightly press my face into his hair breathing in his precious scent. If he still feels the same after he talks with Sango, I won't have any choice but to believe him… I'm not sure how to deal with that… I still don't believe I'm really worth caring about… no one else seems to… except him… he always wants to be with me, to touch me and… all the things no one else has ever wanted with me…_

I lightly nuzzle his neck. Dammit, I'm falling asleep again. He's just so warm and I'm so tired. "Do you think I could sleep, just until Sango gets here? You're so warm. I just feel so safe with you here." I hope that Sango takes a while to get here. I am so exhausted. I understand my feelings now, but I still don't have the right words for them. I wonder if he has the words for how he feels? His scent is so soothing. I just can't get enough of him. I press a soft kiss to his neck.

_"Of course you can sleep. You've had a lot hit you today, go ahead and lay down," I tell him, shifting so he can stretch out and get more comfortable. "I'm sure she'll understand if you're asleep when she arrives," I add quietly, and push him off my lap when he doesn't show any signs of moving. Settling his head on the pillow carefully I pull back and smile down at him. When he grabs my hand I twine my fingers with his, but I don't want to crowd him so I remain sitting cross-legged and leaning against the wall._

I grab his hand but he remains sitting against the wall. I smile at him, lightly tugging on his hand, trying to get him to move closer. I'd like him to be closer. I press my face into his pillow, lying on my side. His pillow smells like him and I can't keep the smile from my face. My eyes are only half open but I'm still looking at him in the hopes that he'll come closer. I reach my other hand out toward him. "Lay with me?" I ask softly. My voice is quiet telling him that it's okay.

_How can I refuse when he asks looking at me like that? I uncross my legs and stretch out facing him. Lifting a hand, I reach over and gently brush the hair out of his face. It is kind of starting to sink in… that he really wants me… it's the strangest feeling; it makes me feel warm and… happy. I let my hand slowly fall to the bed between us and I smile at him, lightly squeezing the hand that is still entwined with mine. I don't know if I'll sleep… but he wants me here so I'll stay._

I smile at him, scooting a bit closer and lightly kissing him. I close my eyes, pressing my forehead to his. I feel much more comfortable with him close. My body's exhaustion forces me faster into relaxation and I unconsciously press closer. I wrap my free arm around his back, sighing happily. I'm so tired. I can feel my mind drifting, pleased to not have to concentrate on anything but Souta. Sango will be here soon, but Souta still occupies my thoughts. I suppose he's also become something like family to me now. He is so very precious to me.

_He presses closer and I can't help the pleased smile that touches my lips as he falls asleep. I bite my lip and debate with myself for a moment then press even closer to him, burying my face in his shoulder. He's so warm and it's so very nice to be this close to him… especially with his arm around me and him trying to get closer to me even though he's already asleep… I wonder if all this is really a dream… it seems like it should be one… if it is, I don't ever want to wake up._

I open my sleep-hazed eyes, still drowsy but not quite so exhausted anymore. I find that I have managed to wrap myself completely around Souta, with my face against his neck. One hand is in his hair and the other around his waist, holding him close against me. I can't help the pleased noise that escapes me when I can feel that his arms are around me as well. "Souta?" I ask, wanting to know if he was awake. I wonder if Sango's here. I tighten my hold on Souta, still inexplicably worried that she might be angry with me.

_"Hmm?" I reply and my voice is more of a sleepy murmur than I had expected it to be. I guess I must have fallen asleep after all. He tightens his hold on me and I make a soft noise of surprise before pressing closer. He's so warm and I'm so damn comfortable… I really don't want to move but I know that there is something I should be doing… I just can't quite remember what it was… though I am certain that I will be remembering what it is shortly… just as soon as my brain starts working again._

"Sorry," I murmur softly, "I didn't mean to wake you." I nuzzle his neck in apology. Even if Sango's here I don't want to move. I love being this close to him. I'm happy he's awake though I'm sorry I woke him… He must be tired too. I lightly press my lips to his neck, just wanting to be closer. He's so warm. I hear a soft 'kweh' and Kirara comes up, pawing at our hair before crawling over my shoulder to 'kweh' at us again. I can't help smiling. "Hi Kirara." I whisper. I'm so happy to see her.

_With a sigh I pull back and sit up, rubbing my eyes to try and get them to focus properly. I may not want to get up but the others are here and they've probably been waiting for a while. It would be very impolite to keep them waiting any longer. "Hello Kirara," I whisper quietly, and smile at her. "C'mon 'Haku, let's go see Sango," I say as I scoot to the edge of the bed and stand up. Turning, I hold my hand out to him offering a small smile as I wait for him to take it._

I smile at him, taking his hand. Kirara jumps onto my shoulder, nuzzling my cheek with her nose. I stand up with Souta's help, remaining close against him. I fidget slightly, unconsciously straightening my ruffled clothes. I turn my head and kiss his cheek for no real reason. My fingers are twined together with his and don't plan on letting go anytime soon. I chew on my bottom lip, unable to help being nervous. I tighten my hand convulsively. I lean against Souta, careful not to put too much weight on him, just letting him know I wasn't going anywhere.

_He kisses my cheek and it makes me blush but I can tell he's terribly nervous. As he leans against me, I slide my arms around his waist and press close, placing a light kiss on his shoulder. "You should try and relax. You're acting like you're about to face a firing squad," I kiss his cheek gently, "She's your sister and she loves you. She's missed you terribly, so you should stop worrying about how angry she might be, because she's not angry, not with you," I don't know if my words are helping… but it's worth a try._

I relax against him, his words helping to ease the tension more than anything. "All right," I whisper. Souta wouldn't lie to me… not about that. He's right Sango wouldn't be mad at me… she hardly ever is. I suppose… subconsciously I still think it's my fault… maybe because it still feels like my fault. I smile at him and place a gentle kiss on his lips. "Thank you," I tell him feeling much more relaxed now. I don't know what I'd do without him… my Souta. I love that he wants to be 'my Souta'. I can't get enough.

_I lean up and give him a quick kiss, then turn and pull him to the door. "Let's not keep her waiting any longer. I'd say she has waited long enough, wouldn't you?" I ask, looking back and giving him a small though hopefully encouraging smile. When he still hesitates I step back to him and give him another quick kiss, "You worry too much," I tell him quietly and smile up at him to show that it's not an accusation. I lift a hand and touch his cheek with my fingertips, "Smile, 'Haku, you're happy to see her remember?"_

I lick my lips and smile. I am happy. "Let's go." I smile and let him lead the way into the living room. Kirara jumps off of my shoulder to go to Sango. "Kohaku?" I hear her voice and see her stand up, chewing on her bottom lip. I almost retreat behind Souta but I feel his palms on my back and he pushes me toward Sango. "Hello Sango." I say quietly, walking toward her with Souta's urging. Sango looks at me helplessly, unsure of what to do, so I do it for her and run to hug my sister.

_Seeing that Sango was the only one in the room, I quietly slip out of the room to give them some private time for their reunion. I'll go to the kitchen and get some refreshments then go back in there. If he notices when I come back and still wants me to be there while he catches up with his sister then I will. But if he doesn't, then I will quietly slip back out and leave them alone. Pleased by this course of action I nod to myself and walk to the kitchen and prepare some snacks and drinks._

I can't stop apologizing and she's telling me that it's okay… reassuring me that it wasn't my fault. She leads me to sit down on the couch and I look around for Souta. "Where did Souta go?" I can't help asking. She says she saw him go into the kitchen and I relax for the moment. She starts a conversation, trying to catch me up on the workings of the world. I listen and participate while keeping an eye on the door for Souta. She's very happy to see me and her mood is infectious. My smile becomes more comfortable.

_I slip back into the room almost silently. They're talking, and I don't want to disturb them, so I set the refreshments on the table, careful to not make too much noise. When I am finished I look over at Kohaku and he holds his hand out to me so I sit next to him. I sit quietly, not wanting to intrude on their reunion… I feel out of place sitting with them… but he wants me here so I'll stay. Sango keeps glancing at me and I feel myself flush lightly because of it… have I done something wrong?_

Sango keeps looking at Souta and I can tell that it is making him uncomfortable. She sees my questioning look and smiles. "I'm sorry." She says, "I'm just happy that you've found someone who wants to help you through this." She gives me a slight hug and does the same to Souta. She smiles again when I lean back against him. We start talking again and Souta starts petting my hair… I don't think he even realizes he's doing it, but it assures that my smile will stay in place. I try to include Souta in the conversation whenever possible.

_They keep trying to include me in their conversation, and while it's very kind of them, I wish that they wouldn't. I'm not very good at the whole family thing and I'm a little afraid that my participation will ruin this for them. After they've been talking to each other about things I'm clueless on for a bit I hide my face against Kohaku's hair. Trying to say that I would rather not be part of this… without being rude about it. I don't want them to be angry with me… but I am quite sure I don't belong here._

Souta buries his face in my hair and I smile softly in understanding… reaching back and petting his hair to tell him it's fine. Sango smiles at the two of us. We talk for a little while longer until I yawn. Sango smiles again… that 'sympathetic sister' smile… and gives me a hug, telling me that we could talk more tomorrow. I nod thanking her softly. I'm very tired. She hugs us both this time and stands up, insisting that Souta and I remain seated. She kisses my forehead and walks from the room. I turn, hugging Souta against me.

_When Sango leaves Kohaku hugs me so I curl myself against him. Looking up at him I see him yawn. "Do you want to go back to bed?" I ask him quietly, reaching up and gently touching his cheek with my fingertips. He yawns again and I smile at how cute he looks right after a yawn. His eyes get a little unfocussed and I just want to kiss him. So I do. I sit up and kiss him gently then settle myself in his lap and rest my head on his shoulder while I wait for him to decide._

"Don't care as long as you're with me." I bury my face against his neck. "If you're not tired we can stay out here." I whisper, lightly kissing his neck. I hum happily, so pleased that he kissed me and crawled into my lap without prompting. "My Souta." I say out loud… just because I can. He's so soft… so warm. I pull him tighter against me, wrapping my arms around his waist and petting the small of his back. I kiss his neck again, waiting for his reply. I yawn again, making a soft sound and nuzzling his neck.

_He says my name again and the way he says it makes me blush and hide my face against his shoulder. "Uh, let's go lay down… it'll be more comfortable than if you try to sleep on the couch," I tell him and gently nuzzle his neck before sliding off his lap and standing up in front of him. Smiling softly, I hold my hand out to him. He takes it and stands up, I press against him, wanting to be close… I like being close to him… and now it seems I get to be close whenever I want…_

I wrap my arms around him, burying my nose in his hair. I shiver lightly at the feel of him against me. He pulls back slightly and leads me to the bedroom. We lay down and I hold him close, kissing his neck lightly. "Souta…" I start, but I'm not sure what I was going to say… I think I want to ask him… how he feels about me. I-I don't want him to think badly of me… but it would be easier to put to words how I feel, if I heard how he felt. Should I ask him?

_Wriggling myself slightly closer, I rub my cheek against him gently then pull back to look at him, "Yeah?" I ask quietly, looking up at him. He's so warm against me that I can't help smiling at him. His lips look so tempting that I can't help pressing mine against them. I told him that I would believe him, if he still wanted me after he'd remembered… so I'm trying to get myself to act as if he's my… well I don't know what I would call him… but it's honestly a lot easier than restraining myself all the time._

"H-how do you feel a-about me?" I lick my lips and pet his hair from his eyes. I hate to ask. He kissed me of his own accord and that makes me so very happy. I pet the side of his face, waiting for his answer… I don't doubt his feeling or anything; I just need him to voice them. I try to tell him that with my eyes. I hope it's working. I bite my lip when he looks confused. I don't know how to explain why I need to know. I hope that he isn't upset with me.

_Feel about him? I haven't really let myself think about it… I reach up and touch his cheek with my fingertips, "I don't really know… I haven't let myself think about it much… I was scared that you were going to forget… but you didn't…" I lick my lips and think about it for a moment. "I like you… I like you a lot… you're wonderful and gorgeous and so very warm… I think maybe… I might, uh, love you…" I whisper the last quickly and I'm not entirely certain that he hears me as hide my furiously blushing face._

"Love me?" I bite my lip, feeling my face heat. I hug him closer, kissing the skin I can reach. "Love me…" I say again. My heart is pounding so fast. I wrap myself more tightly around him and all the pieces are falling into place. He saved me… I'll do anything for him. I need him so much… and I think I love him too. Yes… my heart nearly stops as everything becomes perfectly clear. I move back and lift his eyes to mine. I smile at him, cupping his face in my hands. "I love you too, Souta."

:ende:

_**Love is…**_


End file.
